Hi
I've been with my husband for 17 years. Looking back there were incidents of physical violence but my confidence was so low I just accepted it. I was just glad somebody wanted to be with me. Pathetic I know. The incidents were;
Pulling me out of bed and dragging me across the floor leaving bruises.
Pushing me up against wall with hands around throat then pushing me and throwing a glass
Getting angry at me because KFC forgot to give us salt so I wanted to go back and get some so he put his foot down and sped of in the car , I didn't have my belt on and my door was still open so I could have fallen out. I was pregnant .
Hitting me on arm and telling me he would kill me and bury me in garden
Roughly grabbing me
There has been no physical violence for about 8 years. I did try and leave but he would always go back to being really nice.
Anyway we went on to have 4 kids. One of them has global development delay and my husband has never had patience. I have always thought he is too strict , he thinks I'm too soft. Our son is now 14 and has big meltdowns where he shouts, swears ,throws things. I can calm him down tho so it doesn't escalate. But his dad doesn't have the patience and will shout back , swear back , call him nasty names, threaten to hit him etc. This makes my son worse and he will get more angry and punch holes in the wall, breaks things etc.
Weve both done a parenting course and my husband did try the strategies for a few weeks but couldn't maintain it.
Last year I told him to leave but he got angry because our son came in the room as we were talking and refused to leave. Husband threatened to punch him in the mouth. I told him he can't talk to him like that and he would have to go tomorrow if he was going to be abusive. He then called me a bitch and said I was nasty for leaving him at Christmas.
I went to bed and he stayed downstairs and drank bottle of whiskey and bottle of wine. He came upstairs and called me vile names, deliberately farted on me and then kicked my legs away when I tried to get out of bed. The next morning he phoned his mum and she was nasty to me too, telling me I'm mad ( I have bipolar) , Im a bad mum , I'm lazy etc. Husband agreed and said I should be sectioned. I was so upset ðŸ˜. He went to his mum's for few days but came home apologising and being nice again and said he had been drunk etc that he wouldn't normally have acted like that.
I have asked him to leave since Christmas but he refuses and I'm stuck in the cycle. The other week he had an argument with our son again and told him he was going to rip his head off, etc.
We have a family support worker from Early Help who is aware of all this and has put husband on waiting list for more parenting courses.
Do I wait for him to do these courses in the hope he will change? Or do I get out now anyway ? He won't leave, and is mostly nice to me , no violence etc though he does slam doors, swears, shouts and has punched a hole in the wall. I am overwhelmed and stuck . Is this domestic abuse or poor anger management? He has stood by me through thick and thin and had lots of good times too .