The c word

[newmenewday]

Yesterday in the car DH called me a c*nt in front of the kids. He had just looked at the weather on his phone and said "oh the weather looks good this week" and my rather sharp response was "I literally just told you that!!" In an exasperated voice Because I had and there is backstory that I feel he doesn't listen to me.

He didnt like my tone and called me the c word.

I've previously told him not to call me that. It has happened several times.

He claims I speak to him in a resentful tone (I don't dispute I did, I was annoyed I'd just said something to him and he hadn't listened). My argument is that doesn't give him the right to speak to me like that.

He doesn't see why being called a cnt by him is a red line for me because "*it's just a word" and if I don't like being called one I shouldn't act like one. And then he moved on to the fact that his red line is me speaking to him with resentment and how I'm in the wrong...

He hasn't properly apologised IMO although he now says he has but the apology is "I shouldn't have called you that but you did xyz"

I don't know where to go from here. It feels gaslighty and borderline abusive but I don't know if I'm over reacting...

He’s the cunt.

It's just a word yet he's using that word for maximum effect. To abuse you. To cause you distress. And also to teach your dcs that you are not worthy of respect.

What a great guy.

Yep he's out of order
Don't put up with this

He's the cunt imo

"It feels gaslighty and borderline abusive" It's just a word, but he shouldn't have said it in front of the children, no matter what the reason. You both sound rather immature, to argue over something like the weather forecast. Men don't always listen

If a partner called me the c word (although I don't agree with the word it is kind of not the point necessarily) not just once but multiple times in front of children and refused to apologise genuinely and understand why their behaviour was not acceptable and that this had hurt you they would pretty sharpish be an ex partner.

How vulgar. I'd go on strike until he realises this has really upset you and that you're disappointed in his disrespect towards you and lack of self control.

It's not just a word. Words have meaning, and that particular one means he doesn't respect you. Where there is no respect there is no love. Sorry, OP.

If it's a red line for you, then you need to follow through on that.

Otherwise it's just a way of him pushing your buttons but no real consequences.

Has he explained to the kids how it's OK to call their mum a cunt if she annoys them?

Name calling is a terrible way to carrying out a disagreement and that particular word is horrible as an insult. It isn't the only time, you said.

I think you need to say (and mean) that either you both go to conflict resolution/ marriage counselling classes or you make plans to separate.

This is deeply destructive behaviour for your children to observe and teaches them what to put up with in a relationship. The fact he's doubling down and making it your fault is, I'm afraid, a relationship killer.

I would resent a partner who called me that repeatedly too!

It’s just a word and you can type cunt on MN btw, we won’t go up in flames.

The issue is your partner thinks it’s ok to call you names and speak to you like this. My husband has never once spoken to me like this nor vice versa. It smacks to me of a highly disrespectful and dysfunctional relationship. You need to set a higher bar.

Bollocks to that!

Why do women listen and men don't? Genetic is it?

And the argument wasn't over the weather forecast

I agree with a previous poster, this isn’t just over the weather. I can actually understand why you snapped ‘I literally just told you that!’… it’s very frustrating when someone repeatedly ignores you. I’d say there’s a difference between ignoring and simply not listening. Calling you rude names in front of your children is awful both for you and the children. If I was in your position I would look in to separating and make sure the children are OK. Even mildly dysfunctional relationships/families are very damaging.

Its not a red line for you though. He's done it multiple times before and you've not ended the relationship. He now knows he can get away with it without any repercussions.

He's not going to stop, so you have a choice to make.

He’ll keep using it because he knows it upsets you. He heard you say about the weather, he then mentioned it to get you to feel ignored. He loves to upset you. Think about that. You’re spending your life with a human who wants to upset you and enjoys watching you in pain. He’s going to make you and your children sick in every way.

My stbx often parrots what I’ve told him days before like it’s a wonderful new snippet of news he’s revealing. It’s very frustrating. I now just get up and go and make a cup of tea and mumble ‘uh huh’ and change topic. Only because I can no longer be arsed to have arguments about it. Calling you names is not acceptable, whether the kids are there or not. You can put your foot down and say this is a massive issue and communicate and sort it out - or just ignore him ignoring your comments. The first position could lead to separation- the second could lead to frustration for you, but it’s finding a way that you can manage, so it might mean changing how you deal with things mentally.

I grew up in a house where my dad was very verbally aggressive with my mum, lots of name calling etc. I knew it wasn’t normal, I hated it. It made for a bad atmosphere.

Hope you get it sorted - he sounds like an utter turd.

Thanks everyone. Yes, we clearly have some problems.

It's tricky. I have told him not to call me that. He says he doesn't see why it's so offensive.

Apologies for the drip feed but I am pregnant and that complicates things. If I wasn't, I'd be seriously considering leaving. Another baby makes things harder...

He knows exactly why it's so offensive. Which is why he keeps using it. To upset and offend you.

What a great catch he is.

Baby or not, do you really want another child of yours hearing his abuse of you?