Partner 8 yrs

[Vintagechic72]

I have been dating my partner for 8 yrs. He lives in a council house and says I can't move in as it will jeopardise his rent. I know other couples have moved into a council house as in contacted the council/paperwork and moved in. I have broken up in the past with him due to his drinking but has cut back a lot. He was never honest about being in debt and said I would run a mile if he did tell me! He has a lot of health issues but won't get checked and our sex life has been non existant for 5.5 yrs! He won't talk about it, obsession with sport is out of control that we rarely spend time together, if I go over to his he goes to bed early and barely communicates as more sport on TV. If we go to hotel, sport on TV and bed early. The last anniversary he decided to spend half the day running 5k with his Daughter who is 25yrs and sees her regular then came back, couple of hours and bed early! The latest he booked a holiday no discussion just sent me his confirmation by Facebook messenger, I can join him if I like!! He knows a guy out there but not great mates with him, he won't touch me in bed just lays there. Always making snide comments about me and money I'm not rich or anything barely making through the year like most. I'm mid 50s he is 62. It's finding the inner strength now is the problem.

OP, can you name one positive thing that he brings to your life?
Honestly he sounds dreadful.
He is making you feel devalued and disrespected and eroding your self esteem by treating you so badly. Please don't waste any more time hoping he will change, he won't. This is the best you are going to get. Being on your own would be so much better than this.

If I were you I'd get rid of him ,go book yourself a nice holiday for yourself somewhere relaxing,maybe invite a close friend or family member.Dont waste anymore of your life getting breadcrumbs from a man set in his ways ,he won't change.

This.

OMG OP please break it off and go and live a long and happy life.

Do what you want when you want.

Make yourself happy.

Leave this miserable sod in the dust.

Go for it.

So much more happiness awaits for you..

I cannot thank you enough, to confide in strangers for advice and advice well taken. I collected him from his holiday like a fool, barely an embrace after 10 days apart.

I learnt his ex wife sent him message would he marry again he said no way! I asked him 8 years ago are you divorced on our first date, he lied he said he was separated, in DRS debt/bankruptcy till next year. I only found about the divorce/debt 2 weeks ago.

He is constantly receiving pornographic images to his WhatsApp from so called friends how fucking degrading when he can't touch me/have sex in over 5.5 yrs. Two weeks ago on Monday I was given news that an ovarian cyst which was closely monitored has to be removed due to malignancy/hysterectomy due to my age (53) 4 days later received a bombshell that a mole on my back could be skin cancer.

I went over to his a few days after him coming back from holiday to tell him of my surgery/mole....I said "I need to talk about my health" insensitivitly he said "do you have cancer" no idea, I replied - hurt an understatement. Why would he think that. I'm a blubbering wreck. I confronted him on the above and said he is moving back to Dublin next year as he will be cleared of debt, he used me for 8 yrs and made a fool of me. I got rid of him this evening.

In a mess but each day I will become stronger with result of my surgery and mole no man is worth this after 8 yrs of using me. Thank you for giving me light when I badly needed it, my torch is shining and I'm clinging to my torch.

I got rid of him this evening.
Phew! Thank goodness. He made a fool of no-one but himself, Vintage, if that's how he lives his life. You are thoughtful, caring and bring something worthwhile into the world. He acts like nothing has any value and in doing so devalues his own life.