Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to think

10 replies

lovelabourslost · 02/04/2008 22:08

Don't really know what I am asking here.

My DH will be 47 this week and he says he is feeling really old.

We have been together 16 yrs married for 10.
We have 2 children.

He has always liked drinking and stops off for a drink most night after work.
He started to make a real effort coming home at a resonable time so we could all sit down to dinner together.

But the last few weeks he has gone back to his old habits.
Not coming home for dinner when he says and not answering his phone.

This is really pissing me off as me and the childen wait to have dinner with him and he does'nt turn up so we end up eating late.

Last night he came in at 9pm no explanation and tonight he comes in at 8.45 and I mention his dinneris in the oven or shall I throw that one ouaswell like last night.

He gets n a strop and puts in the microwave and begrudinly (sp) eats it.

I ask where he has been and he says where do you think I have been?

When I ask why he does'nt answer his phone as was ringing him about dinner he says he hates his mobile and they are for emergencys.
I said how do oyu know it was'nt an emergency.

He then says he did'nt have a mobile phone when we first met.
Now he was recently seperated when we met from his first wife and was going through a divorce nd would ring her occasionally re the arrangements.

He repeated about not having a phone again when we met and my mind working overtime wondered if he was referring to the times he would ring her when we syarted seeing each other and he had;nt told her about me until the divorce went through.

Which leads me to think is he seeing someone else .

A bit cyptic I know.

He then just brushed past me and went up to bed no goodnight or anything.

Am I right to be suspicious.

he always says you now where I am in the pub drinking.
He did say he went to a certain pub for a pintbut was there 4 hours.

OP posts:
exrebel · 02/04/2008 22:32

all I can say, it is not fair on the children and he is being disrespectful to you. He shows a loss of interest in his family, whether he has some ele or not. does he get involved in family life at all? what is he like at weekend? if he is seeing someelse or not I would be still equally worried and upset by his insensitive crappy excuses. Judging from what you said, in isolation from the things that kept you together so long, it does not look very good. Sorry, maybe some else can offer some more positive constructive comments.

SlartyBartFast · 02/04/2008 22:34

is it the drink making his arguments unreasoanble.
try asking him when he is sober?

SlartyBartFast · 02/04/2008 22:35

soperhaps he is just depressed with birthday looming?>
nearing 50

lovelabourslost · 02/04/2008 22:43

He is there most weekends and spend lots of time with the children .

He was sober this evening as drove home.
Where as last night he was quite verbally aggressive as had too much to drink.

Maybe it is the fact that he is nearing 50

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 02/04/2008 22:47

hope you can wrk it out

stirlingmum · 02/04/2008 22:53

Midlife crisis can hit anytime from 38/40 onwards. Do you think he is panicking about getting old and not achieving enough??

Only asking from experience.

madamez · 02/04/2008 22:54

Well it sounds like something's not right. He's certainly being rude, childish and inconsiderate in saying he will come home for a meal and then not coming home without phoning to tell you he will be late. He may be a bit depressed or worried, but that doesn't mean he has the right to behave as though you and the DC simply don't matter. Can you find a time to have a talk with him without DC around, maybe get a babysitter and go for a meal or just a walk in the park. Try not to be too aggressive but tell him that it is not fair of him to disappear like that. Suggest a compromise ie a couple of nights a week he can go to the pub and sort out his own dinner, but the rest of the week he comes home on time. Ask him what might make him feel happier about his life and listen to the answers, try and keep it as a way of finding improvements that suit both of you (ie in return for him having a couple of evenings a week to do what he likes you get an evening a week to do something that you enjoy).

littlewoman · 02/04/2008 22:56

I wouldn't immediately suspect he was seeing someone else. Sounds like he just wants some time to himself, and with mobile phones nobody gets ten minutes without a call in the middle of something. You can't even go to the loo in peace
I'm not saying staying out is reasonable or fair, I'm just saying it is not necessarily related to an OW.

exrebel · 02/04/2008 23:07

still inexcusable though. would we behave like that if we were going through a rough time? i hope he opens up and you will have a sensible conversation. and nothing silly like the mobile phone weak argument. I would push him to sort things out and talk.

MegBusset · 02/04/2008 23:19

I think it is a big leap to assume he is seeing someone else.

It does sound like he is having somewhat of a midlife crisis, though. It isn't fair how he's behaving, but it could be anxiety or depression. Madamez's advice is spot-on imo.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread