D-Day. Post affair and divorce survival

[Mensuckbigtime]

Hey everyone,
I hope this post can give hope to anyone who is going through the devastation of discovering their partner/spouse has cheated/had an affair
Posted on here before.
STBXH left me at the end of 2022 after 10 year marriage and 18 year relationship (our DD were 4 and 1 at the time), back then I thought the utter despair of having my family break down would kill me.
Fast forward a few months from him seperating, I found out he'd been having an affair with an ex colleague that I've also met a few times. The pain was unreal.
Now OW has moved in to our old family apartment, has regular contact with my DD and they play happy family.

Anyway, today a year ago and a few months after discovering the affair, I sat crying my eyes out on a park bench in the middle of the night (DD were with their DF) wondering if I could ever ever recover from the searing pain of knowing that my spouse had betrayed my trust and had shat on everything that we had.

I seriously contemplated harming myself at that point and decided I would give it a year to see if somehow I would manage to continue living in the knowledge that STBXH had thrown a handgrenade into my life.

Looking back now, I know that I would have never done anything to myself because obviously I love my children and would never want to do anything to hurt them

But I do remember vividly how desperate, alone and absolutely devastated I felt on that park bench.

To anyone whose going through affair discovery- you will get through it.

To anyone currently cheating on their partner/spouse- STOP!
Decide on whether you want to end your relationship or save it, but stop. Do the right thing. End you relationship or save it, but don't play Russian roulette with someone else's heart (and yes, most affairs get found out).

I hope this post doesn't come across sombre, I hope it gives a bit of hope to whoever might be sitting on a park bench right now, wondering if they can survive everything that comes with affair discovery.

You can and you will, it hurts like hell, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Xxx

Great to read your story, OP. Glad you've healed and I wish you every happiness in the future x

This is lovely.
Can you tell a bit more about how things got better, and what helped you to heal?

Well done for your courage and determination. Thank you for sharing. I'm not on the park bench still, i was a few weeks ago, and I confess, am not dealing with a cheater, I'm just dealing with the end of a marriage of similar length to yours, your idea of giving yourself a year has encouraged me.

Things that have helped me
1)obviously having children helps, because you have to continue living for them

2)good friends who are there for you and willing to listen to you talk about the same thing over and over. Who will set your head straight when you want to.blame yourself for everything

3)Allowing all feelings to come as they want to come and working through them.

4)talking to a professional

5. knowing that however awful my situation as the betrayed spouse is, I would never want to swap with my STBXH. I can leave this marriage with my head held high, he cant

Don't get me wrong, it's not all good, my relationship with STBXH is far from amicable, I still have days where I cry, the thought of OW spending time with my children is awful, but now it would never ever cross my mind to hurt myself, which for me, is a massive milestone

Thank you
Agree about working through the feelings even though it is horrible.

I hope you continue to feel better.

Op sorry to hear this I think we've been through similar circumstances. My DH I think cheated on my on a night out this time last year, at the time our children were aged 2 months, 1 and 7 years old. Soon after that I found flirty texts to two different women he worked with. This was all within a month or two. The absolute shock that I felt I still feel. We were together 17 years and I never ever thought he would be that person at all. He denied everything even with proof and still to this day Denys it and so I've no explanations, apologies or closure. I made him leave end of last year because it took me a few months to work up to ending the relationship. He never even attempted to try and sort it out with me he just walked away. He sees the children every day.

I was devastated, I got no answers even now. I am angry he took my children's future away from them and mine. I returned to work after maternity and to be honest I cry most days life is so hard. I know I need to speak to someone professional but haven't worked up to doing that yet.

I truly feel your pain and its awful there is no sugar coating it.

And yes, I hate STBXH for fucking over my children's lives and my life.

I hate him (and I know I should be aiming for indifference).

And it's so hard, when you have children with the person who betrayed you, because you constantly have to see them (and hear about OW in my case), it's like a wound that never gets to heal.

I think this experience will stay with me forever,but like I said, the days of utter desperation are now hopefully behind me.

And as much as children bind you to the person who hurt you so badly, they are also the best reason to get up every morning!!!

Sending love to you