My friend is clueless, help?

[SunnyCritic]

Best friend of 6 years has been dating a male since February. She likes him, a lot. Now, her issue is that she likes to text. His issue is that he runs a business and doesn’t always have time to be on his phone in the work week. His replies are not what she wants them to be.

She’s deathly scared of explaining this to him because in her last relationship her ex would always turn it into an argument. In my opinion I said it’s just a simple “look I feel like our communication styles are different, how can it be better” she said no that sounds pushy. She’s been cheated on and had a rough time of it so I try not to be too unfair.

How exactly can she approach this, men- any advice here, women- is she being pushy?

I think your friend is being v unreasonable expecting her BF to text from work - it’s simply not always possible. Maybe she could agree with him that if she texts him, he will reply at lunchtime, and again once he’s finished work, and that’s all - she can’t expect a running conversation throughout the working day. What does your friend do, that she has so much time to keep texting him? If he’s busy, her texts will be irritating rather than endearing - she needs to think about this from his point of view.

I think she needs to think about the best time to text- if she’s wanting a conversation then texting him whilst he’s working isn’t good timing so she’s not going to get the type of replies she wants. Instead she can continue to send the odd text but needs to understand that she won’t get an instant or lengthy reply.
If she holds off until he’s finished work and he’s still quite short on replies then why not suggest a phone conversation instead to catch up about their days?

I wouldn’t necessarily put it down to communication styles, he might be as open and wanting to chat as much as her but it’s down to when is the best time to do this. Her day may be easier to navigate so she can spend longer on her phone than him.

A simple, do you like texting question is all she needs to ask him. If he says no then she can explain why she likes it and what he prefers to do instead then come to some sort of compromise.

If a bf asked me to send reassurance texts from work because of his perceived community style I would run a mile.

She is being ridiculously

Is this real ? she sounds very childish ,this is not how adults go about life .

Sorry OP but your friend is being ridiculous. Its unreasonable to expect constant texting throughout the working day.

Its nothing to do with different communication styles, its understanding that work time is not the time for personal stuff and respecting that. She sounds very immature and needy which will get very off putting very quickly

i believe she said it’s not that she needs it all day long. Just not leaving 2 days between. That’s her issue with it all.

If she is unhappy she should discuss with him.

it also depends what this work is. If he is a surgeon then he may well be in surgery all day so cannot reply. But if he sits behind a desk then he can reply.

is he really that busy that he can’t find 1 minute every couple of hours??

They have been dating 3 months...
she needs to cut back, they are not married, they are dating.

Are they exclusive ? or are either of them dating i.e. having dates with other people.

What does she do whilst she is waiting on his replies ?

If he doesn't respond for two days, he's just not that into her.

They've been dating for only 3 months and he's not texting her for 2 days at a time? He's not that interested and she should move on.

I agree. 2 day gaps he isn't as interested.

Remember generations of people had relationships without ever texting!! She needs to be busy in her own life and let him text. She will know then how interested he is. I would go nuts if someone was texting me all the time. Just get on with life and enjoy the times they have together. If he doesn't step up there just get rid.
But stop texting!!

Two days suggests he's not that interested as anyone can send a text after work. However texts during the working day obviously can be an issue depending on his job and if she wants lots of back and forth on a workday that's unrealistic. She could just suggest texting or having a chat in the evenings.

Agree. Expecting texts during the working day is unreasonable but nothing for 2 days from someone she’s only known a couple of months shows he’s not that interested

Maybe he feels overwhelmed with all the texts she sends and is pulling back, or he has a job where he's so busy he can't access his phone whilst at work. Or maybe he's not that into her any more?
Unless she has a f2f (rather than text!) conversation with him she won't know (and we can only surmise).

Have to say sending lots of texts with little response also comes across as quite needy. They need to talk in person about their different communication styles.

I think she should accept her own needs are as important as his, and if something is not working for her she needs to say so.

If she's too afraid to speak up and advocate for herself, then she's not ready to be dating.

There's nothing wild or needy about wanting to hear from him every day.

If he turns it into a row, then that's important information that's good to know about him.

She should stop giving him so much power - a relationship should be two-way about adapting and considering each other, not about being afraid to say what makes you feel comfortable because you're so desperate to please.