My husband of 10 years and I had a lovely daughter 5 years ago. We have struggled to spend time together since and our relationship has been impacted. He often escalates his concerns and says how unhappy he is about this. I try to ensure I spend time with him. I schedule date nights, I initiate romance at least twice a week but we don't often have a night away as we don't have any child care options. He says it's because I am obsessed with her, and I'll admit I felt she was too young to be left (even if we had options) but I suspect he just feels jealous / neglected.
He is very transparent about his life and recently, to prevent me getting insecure, showed me that he'd got a WhatsApp from an old female friend. She'd sent pictures of her children etc. The message was all in his native language (he is German) which I don't understand but I didn't feel any need to worry. But then I saw "what if" written in English. So I did the bad thing and went back and google translated it when he was at work. He'd initiated the conversation saying he'd been trying to remember her birthday and had to search for it and how he'd been triggered to message her as he'd had a "what if" moment when they were supposed to meet for dinner (before we met) but he had cancelled at the last minute and then she'd replied saying she'd secretly felt the same sometimes. He talks about our daughter but doesn't talk about me. There haven't been any messages since.
I don't know if this is a massive red flag or if he's just a bit bored and lonely. So I am I over reacting?
I know I should just ask him but in a way I think I am scared of the answer.