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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do….

5 replies

Scotnut · 06/05/2024 15:09

I have a massive dilemma… I was a stay at home
mum for 11 years and separated from my controlling ex 3 years ago. He kicked us out of the family home and I have struggled financially and emotionally since. He does around 40% of the care of the boys but this is quite easy for him as the school is only 2 minutes drive away and they have all of their things set up in our old family home. I have to drive for 3hours on the three days I work and 1.5 hours on the days I don’t to get to school and then to my job. His days and my job have also been set up around his employment. He doesn’t take them on days out or pay for any of their activities outside of the school. The school is on a wealthy area and the settlement I have received from him isn’t nearly enough to buy a property in the catchment. He is difficult and has been telling the boys that I should be in a psych ward amongst some other savoury delights.
I have recently been offered a job that would kick start my career and enable me to purchase a property and have my home job and school all in a 3 mile radius. The only thing is it’s 4 hours away from their dad. My hope would be less running around for me, stress for the boys changing homes all the time and having distance between us that I could actually soothe myself a bit as well as being around £1000 better off a month….
So…… is it a stupid idea? Am I going to cause my children more trauma? Thanks for reading ☺️

OP posts:
canyouletthedogoutplease · 06/05/2024 15:15

I would say that if you think you can move the children 4 hours away from their dad without him batting an eyelid, you might have to think again and prepare for a banquet of savoury delights.

K8ate · 06/05/2024 15:21

How old are your children?
I don’t believe it’s necessarily the best idea to upheave them from their friends and school if they are settled.
I do understand that’s it’s really difficult for you with that much of a commute to school though.
Could you keep looking for a job that is closer to their friends and school?

Scotnut · 06/05/2024 19:05

There are none, he lives in an affluent rural area. He himself works in Amsterdam so isn’t there for a couple of days a week. They don’t have any real friends. No one come over or hangs out with them x

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/05/2024 19:12

Where do you live?

In most/all of the UK you can get a prohibitive steps order to prevent your DC being moved away for you.

category12 · 06/05/2024 19:33

I'd get some legal advice about it.

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