Is he bad news?

[Rosie900]

I’ve recently started seeing someone and he’s confessed that he might be losing his driving license for speeding.

He has a job (temporary as he was made redundant) his own place that he rents but 99% chance he’s going to lose his license.
He said he’ll get the train down to me etc but is is this a red flag? He said he was stupid and he regrets it but he can’t change it now.

The only reason this bothers me is because my ex didn’t drive for the first 2 years of our relationship and I was always driving him around - also I’m concerned that his decision making isn’t great.

would this bothers others or am I overreacting?

Do you believe he’s losing his license for speeding or that it’s for a more serious reason? I’d doubt it tbh most of us have had a speeding fine and done the awareness course rather than take the points so he’s either been doing a ridiculous speed or he’s a serial offender. Either would make me think he’s not a good choice of partner

You don’t loose your license for speeding unless you were doing crazy silly speeds on the motorway, or have been through a speeding camera several times. Has he explained why and how he could be loosing his license?

For me, it would be the recklessness that would be off putting. At least he’s been upfront about it, so that’s a plus.

Why was he made redundant? Although at least he’s in a new job, if only temporary. Is he looking for something more secure?

I think this is more amber than red flags, but could turn to red depending on background information.

Usually losing a licence for speeding isn't their first speeding rodeo.

Once the licence goes, and the temp job because he can't drive goes so will the rental property and bingo - he will get the train down and move in.

If you even think it might be a red flag, then it is.

I’d hate to be with someone who couldn’t drive and have to shoulder all of that responsibility (but then I live in the countryside where you need to drive to get most places, living in a city would be different).
But I’d also be concerned about his general behaviour if he’s lost his license, whether due to speeding or another offence. Sure, people make mistakes and lots of people speed a little, but you don’t just lose your licence for going 80mph in a 70mph zone, it must have been a major offence or repeated instances.

It would put me off, he's been arrogant enough to keep ignoring his speeding issue and not learnt from the course or fines and points down to his selfish behaviour, would make me think he's generally selfish in other ways too. After dating a non driver before, I wouldn't again, they resent having to use public transport and want you to drive them around.

Can't drive
about to lose job as working as a temp

Why is he dating?

I will be shouted at for this most probably, but in my experience when someone's going through things when you first meet them, they will always be going through something and their life is a constant chaos.

If he was a decent guy, and these were just temporary one-off blips, he would put off dating until he has his life in order.

OP, I believe you've spotted a spring cocklodger headed your way, looking for a new place to nest.

If it's true that he's losing his license due to speeding, of course it's a massive red flag. It means he's a reckless, dangerous idiot.

Block and move on.

Yes, it's a red flag.
If it is for speeding it is repeated, high speed offences which suggests he couldn't give a toss about dangerous driving and doesn't learn his lesson.
If it's actually for a different driving offence-like drink driving- the same applies.
How old is he?

So it’s because he’s accrued points from speeding before so this has tipped it over the edge if that makes sense?

The job he has is temporary but he’s got it for a while and he’s got an interview next week for a permanent job - he’s been upfront with them about his license.

we get on really well and he seems like a genuine person but I’m just very wary

Need a bit more information really:

• How long has he held his licence? There is a two year probationary period for new drivers and if he's reached 6 penalty points (which he could do in one day if he was speeding on the motorway, for example) then his licence would be revoked automatically, no ifs or buts
• Why does he 'think' he's going to lose it? You need more information - what has he done exactly because 'speeding' doesn't cover it - is it persistent speeding and his points are already almost at the limit?
• Would losing his licence mean losing his job? If so, does he have a Plan B for gaining new employment?

I agree with a PP that said this could potentially be an amber flag - you just need more information to make a reasoned decision and in order not to jump to any conclusions. The train thing is a red herring really, because that's just him trying to assure you that it wouldn't interfere with your relationship, the reality is that he needs to be clearer with you about his situation.

Not necessarily a red flag and he has been open with you about his circumstances. Does your gut tell you he's a wrong 'un or is he worth taking a chance on?

Picture yourself in a car with him if and when he get his licence back. He speeds and you get frightened!! No way buster.

It’s easy to say he lost his the licence due to speeding. Could it be for over the alcohol limit?

How long is his ban? If he had to go to court it might be recorded in his local paper/online? Do come research, Google his name, check out FB, ring the courthouse he tells you he appeared before.

Nah, chuck him back. Not worth the second guessing.

We cross posted, ok so now we know why. It's not ideal but he won't be the first or the last person - has he got his notice of intended protection then? He knows he's been 'caught' effectively?

Having a Plan B for the job is good and being upfront about his shortcomings is also a positive time. But can he get to either workplace without a licence?

Only you can decide if you want to carry on dating, but a frank conversation about not being his two-year taxi would be sensible to have at this point.

I'd be put off, it's not about the driving (I don't drive for medical reasons), but repeated bad decisions and dangerous driving (you don't get banned for a one off honest mistake realistically).

What's his explanation of the circs?

So if he's accrued points on his licence which now mean he's reached the level of actually losing his licence, I would say that he's generally reckless, otherwise he would have learned to slow down. The threat of losing his licence wasn't enough to make him drive more responsibly, he's just carried on doing whatever he was doing before. Most people speed occasionally until they realise or get stopped and then it's an 'oh shit!' moment and they behave more responsibly from then on. It would concern me that he doesn't seem to have done this.

I'd say a man who doesn't learn from his mistakes is possibly not going to be great partner material.

He's not one for learning from his mistakes, is he?

I think if I had got enough points on my licence that I knew I was likely to lose it if there was a next time, I'd be bloody careful.

Temporary job, about to lose his licence - it's not screaming responsible citizen.

To be fair, the temporary job is because he got made redundant, so he clearly went for something to keep the wolf from the door - also he's got a permanent interview lined up and has been open with them about his licence issue.

That said, it does take a number of infringements to lose your licence, so I agree with you about the poor decision-making in that respect. You would have thought it would have been enough to make him up his game and stick to the law.

So it’s because he’s accrued points from speeding before so this has tipped it over the edge if that makes sense?

It's confirmed then. He is a irresponsible idiot. You have a fucking speedometer right in front of your bloody face and yet he still manages to actually lose his license.

Seriously, want better. He's a loser.

So he’s been caught speeding numerous times and not learned his lesson?

He's a reckless mug and it’s a massive red flag.

I’ll hold my hands up - I’ve had a speeding ticket but I took the online course and learned from it. The fact he’s not learned a thing and continued to break the law shows exactly what an idiot he is. Is that someone you really see as a potential partner?

Agree with aquamarine there, arrogant twat thinking he can drive around as his leisure with sod all regard for the laws that us minions all have to abide by. Zero sense of responsibility for his own livelihood here, so will have even less for you in the long run. My exh was such a twat but even he had the sense to toe the line when he got to 9. Would be a hard no from me.

I totally agree with this. Sorting himself out should be his priority, not lining up a new GF.

Tipical cocklodger in the making, @MissConductUS has it spot-on (forgive the pun!)

If you like him, I don't see why you can't carry on dating and see what transpires.
You've got your eyes open for flaws, so just don't commit to anything.
If he's after moving in, or borrowing money, or was drunk while driving then you know.
See if he does come to you, or is wanting you to do the running around,
Just trust your gut.

THIS.

Pay attention to the red flags. They are waving loud and proud!

Cocklodger alert!!!