Sharing a bed for the first time…

[Wondering121]

I’ve met a guy on line and we had about 5 really nice dates. After the last one he came back to mine and by the time we got back we were both really tired. No actual sex (but. Lose) and when we got into bed he just went to sleep. I got no sleep as I’m not used to anyone being in my bed and just wanted to be alone! He tried to start things early in the morning but I was too tired. He hardly spoke in the morning (nor did I) then he drove home.
im really regretting him coming back last night. Had a great day, enjoyed our other dates but clearly am not ready for anyone sleeping in my bed.
He’s texted this asking I’m if I’m ok.
I’m really not sure what to do about future dates now…😩

Bump

All sounds incredibly awkward

unless you say you don’t want to share he’s not going to know

probably thinking what went wrong

I'd be honest with him and if he doesn't like it then it's his problem
I'm the same when I dated I spent a night with a guy we were intimate and everything was amazing but I COULDNT sleep even a second in his Ben I hated it I wasn't used to it so we spoke and things didn't progress any further, however my partner now I've not a problem with him in my bed (although the first couple times was strange)
End of the day we need sleep and to feel comfortable so you can take time and do it when it feels better and more comfortable, if he's a decent person I can't see that being a problem 😊

@rwalker it was awkward!
im just so not used to having anyone in my bed all night anymore!

Do you mean you don't want to share a bed with any man going forward or just him?

I think he deserves some honesty here as otherwise he'll feel awful.

I’m just not sure if it’s any man or just him! I’ve really enjoyed our dates and do fancy him. In 10 years, ive only spent the whole night with a few guys and nobody for about 6 years. I just not mot relax with him in my bed. 😩

If be completely honest. Tell him whst you've told us. He'll understand if he's a decent man.

Tell him the truth that you like him and want to carry on seeing him but it’s been a long time since you shared a bed and you’re not ready for that yet.

His response will tell you all you need to know.

What others said, be honest with him. No need to share a bed for the night from early on, if you’re not ready for that. But I think it’s also quite normal that sharing a bed is awkward at first, I never really slept the first few nights a new relationship stayed over, it takes some time to get used to it.

Bite the bullet text an apology

sorry if I seemed bit off not used to sharing a bed and felt akward first time in 6 years I’ve shared
sounds like you like him organise next date

Just say your not use to sharing a bed but you can work on it. He won't mind.

Thanks for all the replies. He was very quiet this morning too, mostly on his phone even when I was there. Maybe it’s not right for me

Would it have been better had you had sex?

My first thought was that it was a clash of preferences... him being a morning sex person, and you being an evening sex person.

...my other thought was that it's a general letdown because you didn't have sex? Sometimes we build this up and when it doesn't happen we feel deflated and it just corrupts all future feelings...

I agree just be honest and get the next date booked in. If you want to sleep with him (sex) then go back to his and pre arrange that you will be leaving at X time.

I think you can't sleep if you're not comfortable with someone and feel completely safe and able to put down your guard. Maybe on a subconscious level you can't put your guard down with this man - only you know why.

@C1N1C i think there is part of me that’s disappointed we didn’t have sex last night - I was kind of expecting it to happen - then he rolled over and appeared to go to sleep. Then this morning , barely spoke.

Sounds like you felt rejected at night and he felt rejected in the morning when he tried to initiate.

Bit awkward all round for a first night together.

Either say something to break the ice and be honest about not being used to sharing a bed etc or give it a swerve if you're not into him.

@Wondering121 very awkward! So wish I’d not asked him back. It was all going so well.

You get used to it pretty quickly. I remember this feeling!

@rwalker im not sure I’ll get used to it!!

Personally, I'd say its quite natural the first few times you sleep (as I'm try to sleep) with a new partner in a bed. I tend to wake up a lot.if I'm single, there obviously gaps between relationships and new relationship, it starts again.

It can be quite natural for some people to try their luck with their partner in the night, tucked up in bed can feel quite loving and create other feelings. But again, mornings can be awkward, he might feel rejected or may feel bad he tried and you weren't in the mood.

Best to ask and say how you felt, if he doesn't accept your feelings, bin him.

I'm sure you will get used to it OP!

I am exactly the same when dating a new person. It's almost like my primal brain won't switch off, because they're essentially a stranger at that point - probably get about an hour of sleep in an entire 8 hours in bed. As I get to know them more it starts to ease and now with my new guy, 5 months in, it's not an issue anymore!

In the meantime I'd just be honest with him - 'I've really been enjoying our time together, but I just really struggle to sleep when I'm around a new person'

And if he's the right guy for you it won't be an issue!

'Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind'