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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of relationship

9 replies

JaneP1964 · 06/05/2024 08:35

Silent treatment

I’m 60 and been dating a 62 year old for 18 months, he’s a generous hardworking guy, buys me lots of stuff, clothes, bags, shoes etc. I never ask for anything he always‘wants’ to buy it me. On our first coffee date he came with a bottle of perfume. Our situation, I’m divorced and now in the process of selling the matrimonial home. He’s split with his partner of 38 years, 4 years ago and has been living with his son in son’s house for 4 years. We were both single when we met. He stays at mine every weekend. I can’t go to his sons in case his ex sees me and ‘kicks off’! For the past few months I’ve seen a very different side to him. If for some reason, which is very rare, I can’t see him on a Friday or im going out with a girlfriend on a Saturday (which I think I’ve done once) he sulks and goes silent on me. I get accused of having 2 lives, one with him and one with friends. As it happens I have a viewer on my house this weekend, at a time when he’d be coming. He’s now taken it, even though he hasn’t said that he won’t be coming to mine. When of course he can still come, it’s a bloody house viewer for goodness sake! This along with him asking me ‘who was the guy who slapped your a**e in the pub last night! No one slapped it, I was stood behind bf at the bar and I stepped back on an older guys foot and the guy was joking I’d broke his foot, I said jokingly shut up you’ve got another. We then sat down in the pub and nothing else was mentioned until the morning. We had eaten a meal and watched tv, nothing in his mood to hint there was any issues. Then yesterday morning, he asked what day/time was my viewer (I’d told him previously) then straight after - who was the guy in the pub. There was no reasoning with him he was adamant he slapped my backside! Even if he had (which he most certainly didn’t) would it have been my fault. Don’t you think I would have said something or why didn’t bf say something to the guy at the time?? Then when I said I’m not taking this crap anymore he said are you calling me a liar to which I replied yes! He then saw red and said I was twisting things around and blaming him. I told him I wanted a break and left the room. He must have sat there an hour before packing his stuff and leaving my house. I’ve had enough and given him enough chances. It’s alway me who hands the olive branch I even said yesterday shall we agree to disagree on this one to which he angrily said NO! It happened! He’s driving me insane. So sad as he is such a lovely man but I hate this side of him.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 06/05/2024 08:54

End it.

SpringleDingle · 06/05/2024 08:57

He’s not a lovely man. He’s a jealous gaslighting sulky man-baby. Time to throw this one back!!

Hugosmaid · 06/05/2024 08:57

This is why his marriage broke up. He is still the same person he was with his wife.

StopStartStop · 06/05/2024 08:59

Definitely ditch this one. You know it.

MMadness · 06/05/2024 09:00

Life's too short to deal with an insecure man.

Let him be and live your best life.

Stainglasses · 06/05/2024 09:01

Ugh, free yourself of this crap

CryptoFascist · 06/05/2024 09:05

Weird he asked about the house viewing then the man in the pub straight after. Is he accusing you of setting something up to cheat on him?
Anyway - the different side you are seeing now is the tip of the iceberg, this is the real him and the nice guy you saw at first was an act to reel you in.
This never improves. He's gone, let him stay gone.

TerryFuckwit · 06/05/2024 11:31

Almost word for word this sounds like one of my exes. To cut a long story short I ended the relationship and after doing some research into her behaviour I realised that she's a covert narcissist. I know that narcissism is something that's bandied about a lot on here, but I genuinely feel that it fits in this case.

Do yourself a massive favour, OP, and keep him out of your life. He isn't worth the mental turmoil.

JaneP1964 · 06/05/2024 19:46

Thanks everyone. I’m definitely not having him back. He’s taken everything even down to his worn out toothbrush so hopefully he won’t contact me.

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