Is this abusive behavior

[Caw2024]

I'm going to gice a few examples of things my childs father says to me and I'd like somebody else's opinion if they think it's abusive or if im dramatic.. I personally think it abusive

So in arguments I will get called things like Fat, mess, ugly, slt ,whre ect

He will bring up a miscarriage I had 5 years ago (with a previous partner) and laugh about it. He says things like "did your baby fall down the toilet awww poor you"

Has told me he's cheated on me and then said he didn't mean it

Has told me "I'm going out and having s*x with someone else tonight"

Tells me things like "all the women in the pub fancied me last night, I could get any girl I want"

Says "noone would want you, your a single mother now"

He sometimes gives me child maintenance but sometimes with holds it because I've gone out with a friend or we've had an argument

I'm also not allowed out with friends while he is and I never say anything about it.

I could probably think of a lot more but that's a few examples for now

He sounds disgusting.

If your friend or sister or daughter told you any of this. You know what your answer would be!

Im sorry but yes this is abuse, emotional abuse, bullying and financial abuse.

You need to figure out where you go from here, because this person will carry on, and they will make you believe you are not worth more.

You are worth so much more than him!

Why do to ask if you know the answer already? And your op makes it clear that you do.

Yes, it absolutely is abusive behaviour. He is cruel. Cut him out of your life. Don't communicate with him. You don't have to tolerate this in your life.

Do you have anyone you can confide in? Report to the police?

Exactly.

How quickly can you get away from him?

Start putting that into action.
Don't raise your child seeing this EVIL man abuse you. Your child deserves a happy, safe mother. If you don't want them to grow up and become their dad or be abused by men like their dadand think it's normal and they have to stay) get out ASAP.

Speak with women's aid.
Tell friends and any supportive family, what he has been doing. I'd also report things to the police so they have a record of it even if that's all. Incase you need their protection when out.

Because men like this will erode the partners self esteem and confidence so badly that they often start to believe the lies they are being fed. It’s one of the many ways abusers try to control the victims.

OP yes this is abuse. If you are still in a relationship with this person then is there anyone you can contact to help you plan ending the relationship. If not then is this happening when he is picking up or dropping off your dc?

I don't even have the words to say how I feel about the comments he makes about your miscarriage - I am so sorry.

It sounds like you've been experiencing this for a long time and you've normalised this behaviour from your partner but it is absolutely abusive and I hope you find the strength to end the relationship.

Of course it's abuse he is absolutely vile, but what I don't understand is why he pays child maintenance to you when he's your partner.

Speaking as a middle aged man, who's never married but has been in relationships I would say you need to give a bit more information. Due to circumstances I've been living with my elderly parents for 15 years, most of which have been pretty good for all of us. I recently had a terrible mental health crisis which resulted in me particularly saying and doing some truly awful things to them. I'm now over it and things are pretty much back to normal at home.

My point is, you say arguments and I'm not disputing that he said all of those things, but is it a pattern of behaviour and over how much of your relationship?

One thing you said that would worry me is that you say you're not allowed out with your friends but you say nothing. Has he told you that you're not allowed out with your friends. If so I would call that controlling and abusive.

The fact that you're on here suggests that you want to talk to someone, you might be better off trying to find some professional help to better understand the dynamic of your relationship.

If you're ever in fear for your or your childs safety, call the Police.

Oh please.

Understand your point,but she took the time to pin point everything on here,so she knows it's abuse.OP doesn't indicate that she asking anyone's help in regards to leaving the abusive relationship.

@Caw2024 I confirm that your child's father is an abusive piece of shit.

OP explained that in her first post

" I'd like somebody else's opinion if they think it's abusive or if im dramatic.."

How could it not be abusive? Of course it is!

CSA for maintenance, immediately!

Your child hood or and teen years Something or and someone has done a real number on you 🤔