Would this put you off someone?

[atchoooo]

I’m mid 20s, wanting to settle down and not looking for anything casual. My close friend asked me out on a date which I wasn’t expecting. I am flattered but almost trying to prevent a crush, as long-term wonder if we’re not compatible?

He is a self employed business owner and social media influencer with ~100k followers, & lives much of his life on social media. He mainly posts motivational quotes and promotes his business but ultimately has some things on there that I’d personally purge as in comparison I’m more private. I went to university and have a boring corporate job, which includes security vetting, so generally don’t use social media as much as he does.

He has extensively dated/slept around a few years back including cheating on his ex. He’s probably more attractive than me. I’m not sure if I’m insecure but it’s more like, he probably would “settle” with me. He’s heavily tattooed and extremely fit/toned/muscular - his business relates to fitness and it’s a big part of his life. In comparison I’m definitely not as disciplined! Most of his social media posts are in his underwear to show off the physique

we have some baseline interests and get along and I think he’s attractive but ultimately it’s likely going to be short term isn’t it? Then we’ll no longer be friends.

You don't sound like a good match no. I don't mean the attractiveness as that's so subjective, but values and lifestyle (and the cheating). I'd say keep it as friends from the info you've given.

Who knows. My ex was not my type (and I wasn’t hers) but we did connect and we’re great together, complementing really well. So give it a go.

If you value your friendship more it’s probably a no isn’t it. If you jumped at the idea then I guess it’s your head/heart saying yes. Could you kiss him without it being weird??

I think you know dating him is a big red flag, you're right it'll be short term because he's the attention seeking type and a history of cheating and sleeping around, I would not risk a relationship with him knowing that.

I would not touch this guy with a bargepole. But then I can't stand that level of vanity and find motivational quoting on SM cringeworthy.
Sounds like he needs a fitness groupie in his life who he can flash all over SM. He'd be posting your dates, if you got married, DC's everything for more followers, because that's how influences get their money. Also, the risk could be splitting up publicly, because that's worth some extra followers too - just ew! Don't risk your friendship, it's not worth it. But then, is it a friendship if he was only in it hoping for more after all?
At the very least turn down the date on the grounds of likely relationship incompatibility. Probably best to dial down the friendship side too if he's got some limerance going on for you, however, he sounds like the type who you will find will swiftly moved his affections onto someone else. I think he'll get over it soon enough.

He sounds like a walking cringe.

I bet he waxes his balls and wears skinny jeans that are too short, no socks and a hideous pair of loafers.

Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

The tats and the cheating would be enough for me tbh.

He's definitely a major risk, I wouldn't bother

Seems like you think he’s better than you, so no I wouldn’t date him because I don’t think that sort of power dynamic is a good way to start a healthy relationship, regardless of the cringe social media stuff.

Most of his social media posts are in his underwear to show off the physique

Would this put me off someone? Yep. Massively.

Heavily tattooed would put me right off for a start.
There's nothing great about that.

If you were keen enough and there was a genuine spark yiu wouldn't be asking.

To me he sounds awful, but that's my personal taste.

The aspects that would put me off is his having cheated and posting so much on line and of himself in his pants.

Sorry I personally wouldn't touch him with a bargepole. He's a giant red flag. You would ruin your friendship too.

Yuck no!

But just the fact you're asking Mumsnet kind of points to you knowing it's a bad idea.

Also I bet he loves himself too 🤮

Motivational quotes was the last straw for me.

The thing that would put me off the most is the fact you don’t seem that interested and given you want a serious relationship, it’s unlikely to lead to that.

He’s a shagger who posts half naked pictures of himself on his social media? I would rather stick pins in my eyes, but to each her own…..

Lol! Thanks for the reality check. He is a nice person to be a friend with but you’ve sort of verbalised what I assume might happen if things went further.

I don’t think he’s better than me per se, but he is extremely attractive and gets a lot of attention, though he sees it as a means to an end. He’s basically a mini reality tv star waiting for the right opportunity to kickstart things and leverage the opportunity to boost his business. Whilst his social media accounts are centred around his business, as it’s about fitness it does tend to link back to him personally ie his physique, his motivations etc

regardless I don’t think the added visibility etc would be something I can deal with