Missing female friendship

[HailtotheBop]

I used to have a best friend. We were very close and spoke or messaged daily. I've never had a sister, but I imagine this friend to be more like a sister. We went through a lot together over the years and each provided the other with support when things were difficult.

The friendship came to an abrupt end nine years ago. We didn't fall out, we both had tricky personal things going on and she told me she needed time away to sort a few things out. I was a bit hurt that she was choosing not to ask me for help, but I tried to put that to one side and wished her well. A few weeks later, having heard nothing from her, I tried to get in touch and discovered I'd been blocked on all channels. I never heard from her again.

It felt like a huge loss to go from daily contact to nothing and most of all, I was left wondering why?

Over the years, the hurt lessened and I can now remember the good times without feeling sad. I never found out why she disappeared and as she lived a long distance from me, I couldn't just turn up on her doorstep. (Not that I'd do that anyway!)

I feel ridiculous saying this, but nine years later I'm still struggling with having a gap in my life. I have other friends, but we don't share the level of emotional closeness that I did with this friend. My husband and DS's are my world, yet I still miss having a close bond with another woman. FWIW I don't have a good relationship with my Mum or other female relatives.

Can anyone relate to missing a close friendship with another woman? Can anyone suggest anything helpful?

Yes, I can definitely relate. One thing to keep in mind is that friendships you form when you are older are inevitability going to be different from the ones that carried over from when you were very young. A friend that you've known since school, who knew you before you met your husband and had your children...you'll have years of shared memories. You likely won't replicate that depth of feeling in friendships formed when you're older.

That said, you could consciously try to deepen an existing friendship. Could you maybe try doing small things that would let a friend know that you're thinking of her? Reach out more, spend some one-on-one time that encourages more meaningful conversation?

I do think you have to put more effort into maintaining friendships as you get older.