I want to leave my husband but don't know how

[ducklin]

Been with my husband for 19 years married 12 years, 3 kids 11, 9 and 6.

I've made the decision that I want to leave him, but I don't know how. He isn't a horrible man but I'm just unhappy, there is no fun in our relationship and the spark has just gone.

How do I start the conversation to tell him, he's oblivious to the fact I'm unhappy.

I'm worried how it will affect the kids, will they hate me / resent me.

Where do I go, I obviously want the kids with me, he would never cope with them anyway but where do I go, can I ask him to leave the family home when its me leaving him?

I'm worried how I'll manage financially as I have no savings so if I did have to find somewhere else to live how could I do that with no money. All my wage gets paid into the joint account and I could cover all our current outgoings with my wage but it would be tight! We have a joint mortgage etc.

I'm worried what other people will think of me, friends and family, my parents and his parents are very traditional and I suppose believe once you're married that's it. I think they'll be really dissapointed in me.

I suppose I just want some practical advise on how to navigate this.

I would seek legal advice regarding all aspects of separation and divorce. Contact one or two local firms of solicitors to you and hear them out.

Do not concern yourself unduly about what other people like his family etc will think, it’s your life not theirs.

You will have to sell the family home and take half of your equity to set yourself up in a new place.

If you have the kids full time then you would be entitled to child maintenance from him and you could possibly be entitled to some benefits depending on your income.

However, if he wants the kids 50/50 with you then you won’t get child maintenance.

You need legal advice from a Solicitor about what you would be entitled to regarding house/assets/pensions etc and look up if you would be entitled to any Universal Credit.

don’t worry about what others think. This is your life and you only get one.

As it’s unhappy and no spark why not get counselling with him and look to work through the differences?

I think its a good idea to see a solicitor first, just to see where you stand legally.

Then you should sit down and talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel. It may be a shock/surprise to him so expect him to be upset. Would you be willing to go to couples counselling?

Break ups are hard, especially when you have kids, a home, finances all combined. But if you're really unhappy it will be worth it once the dust settles.

Forget what other people think. This is your life, so live it how you see fit. Your husband deserves to be with someone who loves him too.

Feeling in the act same position OP with kids of a similar age. Message me if you need to talk!

I am in the same position with similar thoughts and circumstances op. DC of a similar age too. Financially doable but would need to be careful.

Relationship problems have been going on for years now. I can't see a clear way out (yet). I'm feeling incredibly guilty. I have little support in real life on a practical level though I have a few friends. I think I'm going to wait a while - a couple of things to sort first but it feels like there is never going to be a right time for this.

I've tried working things through but to no avail. It sounds like this might be your starting place as you say your husband is oblivious to how you feel - though you seem to have made your decision to leave.

Wishing you all the best. I know what a difficult situation this is.

Thank you I really appreciate that. There's just so much to think about and consider

Thank you I really appreciate that. There's just so much to think about and consider

I'm the same, from Ireland. I hate where I live I'm so isolated. He will not move. I've spoken with my mum who lives 50 mins away. I'm making the move next month to live with her, it will be tough. As I've 3 children under the age of 15. I can't live this lie anymore. Once I move I'm near all facilities, public transport. My husband farms 24/7 we never see him...I asked him could we move to the nearest town 9 mins away and he still refuses. Comes in one door and out the other when I try to communicate with him and he told me to take the children. I feel I'm.just his housekeeper.