Hi - new here. I love reading your frank, at times brutal, words of wisdom so maybe you can help me. May sound weird so I'll try and be as clear as poss.
I struggle to connect with people and feel interest in their lives, joys, troubles.
Married late, no kids by choice, and me and husband are real soulmates. Totally in love with him even after years of marriage.
It's other people I struggle with. Some days I can go quite easily without talking to a soul. I force myself to go to the gym to be around others. Met quite a few people (men and women) there through endlessly going to the same class. People are friendly to me and tell me lots of stuff about themselves.
Problem is, it's almost like I have to play a part to respond. I understand how to respond because I watch what they do and just do the same but end of feeling quite a fraud and a bit of a bitch because I don't really seem to care about them.
Women at the gym talk a lot - especially about their families etc, and they seem to moan about a lot of stuff, whereas I'd be thinking - "what's the point in moaning; only action works". I'm sorry this is already sounding awful - particularly on Mumsnet! I'm just so not interested in their personal lives, kids, grandkids, ailments, and then feel such an outsider because I am a woman and I think people expect women to be interested in these things.
Sometimes I prefer the men at the gym because they say less and it's often not about someone else - talk more about hobbies, abstract things etc. My classes are mainly women but men also join in and, when they do, they come and sit next to me.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I do not mean to be a bitch and diss women, but I just can't get interested in endless general chatter about family and how terrible some people are. I always end up thinking: "What are you doing with them then, you idiot?"
Bit more background: My DHs parents and mine both died some time ago. He has one sibling who lives far away and we see very occasionally. I have a lot of siblings - also far away - who I might see once a year.
Finally, I've got to the question. Sorry for the length. Is it okay to just not want to connect to others and feel perfectly happy alone and accepting all the challenges that this will bring, particularly as I age? I understand that having all your eggs in one basket with one person would seem very limiting to some.
Everyone keeps saying we're social animals, must have each other etc. It depresses me because I just don't feel it. Help please.