Bit of background here;
I'm a divorcee and have been single almost 3 years. I have children who I am primary parent to so meeting people has been tricky.
A friend of mine, for some time, was telling me about a friend of her DH who was in a similar situation and was super lovely. After some encouragement we went on a date. First couple of dates he was lovely (and still is tbh!) date 4, as we live quite far from one another, we decided to book a hotel in between both of our homes so we could spend a longer period of time together. There was no expectation around sex or anything, during the day we went for lunch and drinks in the city where we were staying.
After that we headed to the hotel room to get showered and changed to go out for the evening. We ended up having sex and it was fine (first times are often a little strange so it was ok!). It was what has happened after, and since, which has perturbed me somewhat...
I took a shower first as I needed to get my make up done.
After I came out of the shower, he went in to the toilet and did a "sitting down wee" with the door open... felt a little... over familiar as I could see everything from where I was doing my make up! I said I didn't need to see that and shut the door!
We went out for dinner and drinks, both tired so came back to the hotel room not too late. It had been hot in the restaurant so I had another shower, when I came out to the bedroom, he was sat on his phone scrolling the football and watching some kids film on the TV. I'm not saying I expected him to pounce on me, but it felt like something ex-DH would have done after 15 years of marriage, not someone I'm spending a first night with! I'm wondering if this guy just wants a wife replacement who he's super comfortable with, but I want to enjoy the dating period!
Due to schedules (mainly mine!) we aren't able to see each other until next weekend and he's booked us a restaurant that he slipped up and said that he and his ex-w used to go to all of the time... odd right??
Another thing, every single time, without fail, that he goes out with his friends (never when he has his DD in fairness) he goes out and gets totally wasted. Last weekend I had a recount of how he'd acquainted himself with the toilet for 2 hours when he got home! I love a good drink, maybe every 6 weeks or so with friends, but with him it's every single week and never seems to be anything but being totally bladdered. It's all a bit boring and I don't find it impressive! He's a little older than me (46!) so I find it surprising.
I'd also shared something quite personal to me (after a drink!) relating to my DM. I mentioned that the situation had gotten worse the other day, over text, and he just glossed over it. I wasn't going expecting a big emotional outpouring, but he literally responded like I hadn't said anything!
Am I being picky? Or is this was dating is these days? He messages frequently, is kind, sweet, but it's these things that are putting me off.