How do you resolve this issue

[whoopdedooo]

I had a sad/traumatic experience on Friday afternoon and I've gone through the various emotions since.

Nothing serious like a death or anything, just a very sudden and acrimonious ending of a valued friendship. It was all very nasty and has completely blindsided me.

The repercussions of what has happened are likely to rumble on for some time due to what has happened.

DH has been supportive but I do feel he expects me to move on quite quickly.

We spoke about it a bit on Friday after the event and yesterday morning he came to me and said I don't want this to spoil our weekend so let's try not to discuss today and we can talk about it tonight.

I think that's fair enough and can understand his position on that.

It did come up fair bit yesterday though due to people contacting me and me having to make a formal report of what had occurred.

When we went to bed last night he again said can we forget about this for the rest of the weekend and deal with it on Tuesday when everyone is back at work etc.

This made me feel a bit out tbh.

I've woken up today in a much better headspace but I have said to him that I feel he expects me to only have feelings/talk about things in a certain timeframe that's convenient for him. That doesn't work for me.

While saying this I said several times I can completely understand he doesn't want it to take over our weekend but I'm so hurt that it's been hard for me to not say how I feel.

His response is that every time he brings up his feelings mine have to take precedence. That's exactly what I feel he is doing.

I've at least acknowledged his pov and he seems unable/unwilling to do that unless I very firmly make my point.

It's exhausting and happens often. What can be done to improve this type of communication. I'm quite laid back and often feel a bit railroaded in to agreeing and then I feel resentful.

I just want both of us to say how we feel without anyone taking offence or making out the other is wrong for saying what they think.

Sorry you're going through this right now op. I hope you can work through it and get any help or support you need.
Does he always respond in this way? Is it a normal weekend for you both or did you have plans?

Thank you

I-think it's because it's a BH weekend. We only had causal plans and have continued with them. But with a backdrop of me talking about what has happened. It has been quite consuming for me.

I'd say he responds this way 50% of the time. Instead of hearing that I understand his pov and appreciate the support he's given. He takes it as me ignoring his needs, and the support he's given.

And as I explained this morning I can't put my need to discuss and digest at what's happened in to a little box so that it suits him.

I can honestly understand that this shouldn't monopolise our weekend but him telling me not to feel how I feel
About his comment ia ridiculous

I'm sorry you're not getting the empathy and support you need.
You sound self aware and know that you don't want the issue to overrun the weekend but equally if you were given the comfort, space and time you need to verbalise how you feel and the compassion you need you would be better placed to set it aside and enjoy your weekend.
The dynamic in relationships ebbs and flows, right now its about you and you need him to step up and have your back. I'm sure if roles were reversed you would do the same.

I have had to put boundaries in place with a relative because they would talk obsessively about certain things, to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I probably sounded like an unsupportive jackass to outsiders but it was just too much.

Obviously have no idea if that's the case here, just giving a different POV.

I can see this perspective too @MattDamon having been there before also.
That's why I suggested that when we get hearing and compassion when we need it we are likely to move on better.

I gave up expecting support from dh long ago. It makes for a lonely and resentment marriage.. Is your dh only happy when life is going well? And blames you when it isn't? My exh was that way. That is bloody draining. Maybe I should have just got more dcats not another dh...