Why would a mother do these things

[OnehundredStars]

My story is a long one but I have a dm who never sees the good in anything. When I was 16 and looking for a part time job my mother said (about Marks and Spencer) ‘well I am not being bad but they take on staff with Down syndrome. Offensive to me and people with additional needs. I presume she didn’t thing I was capable of anything. I went on to university and made friends (she often liked to point out that people find me boring)

she takes the limelight at special occasions. When I bought my wedding dress she brought her friend along and asked could I lend her friend money to buy a top (surely that’s the day your mum would maybe buy you a little treat not expect a handout)

when I had my first child she told my brother that she forgives me for everything (for what??)

she’s cruel and has a mean streak about most people. She spoils things. The sad thing is one thing has led to another and I have just removed myself from her life. But it’s so sad.

What happened to her when she was younger? Did she have an abusive mum? Was she forced to have you? There could be lots of reasons.

Doesn't excuse how she has been with you, you deserved better. It is sad, and hopefully in time you can move on from it.

What a nasty bitch ....you have done the right thing ...I have a mother like that too so I have nothing to do with her...thank god I'm not that mother to my kids and that's all that matters

Her parents died before she was 15 but she met my dad soon after and had a good life. Does she hate me deep down (I know she likely married due to expecting me)

I have been a good person all my life but now my name is blackened and I have little contact with any of my family

Sorry to hear that lovinglife

she loves the grandkids but it’s become a way off ‘spoil and compliment the grandkids - she never once gave me one’

My mother puts me down to anyone who will listen never ever told me she loved me as a child I always felt she hated me...I just cut her out of my life I don't miss her there was nothing to miss

Honestly for whatever reason she isn’t able to be a loving mum to you.

It’s possible she could be a loving grandma- but don’t bank on it.
She may get less tolerant of them as they grow up and develop their own opinions - some people like the small stage as they are in charge and not challenged.
She may play them off against you and try to prove she’s more important to them than you are.
Or she may have genuinely matured and be able to be genuinely loving with them.

I’m sorry you never had a decent mum. I hope there was and is someone in your life that counteracts her negativity. You’ll feel better for accepting who she is and stopping the hope that she’ll change.

I have noticed (my eldest is 11) that she is starting to criticise them a bit now too

(saying ‘oh I worry about you’) under the guise of concern but it’s pointing out imperfection. To add, my mother never worked outside the home and has severe depression. My dad backs her up 100 perfect in everything and they spend evenings laughing and mocking people. My dad used to be nice and told me once to move far away from home. Then once I did he cried and wanted me to leave uni to live with them again (which I didn’t)

I didn’t even come home in the holidays from uni as she was so hard to live with

Narcissist and enabler. He’ll want whatever makes his own life easy.

So be careful with your eldest- show her how Grandma loves her but has some funny ideas, that everyone will always agree with her or that people who love her will always do what she wants. Make sure your DD realised she doesn’t need to, that actually love is wanting the best for someone and letting them try things out.

Yes father is an enabler. She’s out for what she can get and is a begrudger. my kids know what she is like because they see it with their own eyes. But she spoils them so they obviously like that (eg she will bring a six pack of ice creams)

The night before my sons birthday she started a row with me that I spoilt it as he saw the cake. I asked her to leave. That was as brave as I ever got. She came back business as usual 20mins later and better behaved. ‘Oh it’s granny’s job to worry’

I don’t see her at the moment

she also spent the same birthday making comments about a religion that she knew dh brother in law was (present)
its all for drama and conflict (trying to rise me to react). At Christmas she asked me not to visit as it would upset my brother who couldn’t see his own kids.

but I haven’t reacted this time - just pulled away

Your mother is a bitch. Mine was too. Keep your kids away from them because she will do anything she can to undermine you and to screw with their self-esteem too - this will become more and more obvious once they are old enough to form their own opinions and start to become independent.

She’s crying a lot and has took to the bed. My parents say they only have one daughter and have told everyone about me. But my mother has sabotaged my dad’s relationships with his own brother. His sisters family also don’t have anything to do with him. My brother and wife don’t stay with them when they visit now. They are very difficult

You walk away and stay away. It's not your responsibility to be treated like this just because she waves a "family" label at you. Forget her and move on with your life. You don't need her. 💐

It sounds like she's disappointed with her life and takes that out on anyone close to her to make herself feel better. Pity her. Be the mother that you needed and wanted to your own DC and leave your "D"M to stew. Break the cycle, grieve for the mum you didn't have and move on with your life.

Thank you. I am moving on. She has some mental health issues and physical illness but plenty of people do and are still nice and kind people.

So I had contact from one of my family who actually agrees with me pulling away. It did me good to get it off my chest as I haven’t told anyone I’m in no contact.
sibling gets the verbal abuse too but puts up with it to keep the peace and says my mother is in my fathers ear all the time saying bad things about me. So that is that.

Like I said I’m in the same boat my mum is 80 I’m 54 nothing will ever change and I expect it now so I cut myself off she has never shown me love or any of that I’m a better mum to my children thank god I would hate that they feel about me as I do my mother …move on we cannot pick our family but we can move on from them and I’m sure most family’s have a complete arsehole in them …I don’t miss my mother simply nothin to miss …that’s my truth

Sorry to hear that… it’s my truth too. It’s hard to love someone who is meant to love you unconditionally but she hated me first

Exactly this