Wanting to cut some friends off

[Birdsongjacky]

This is a long one, sorry. I will try to keep it succinct! Had a baby 5 years ago, did NCT. Formed a bit of a closer friendship with A & B. Though I was never entirely convinced by the “friendship” it felt quite bitchy and they never cared about emotions etc, openly describing themselves as heartless etc, the complete opposite of me. Separately grew friendships with C & D two very pure kind hearted souls. E was a bit bonkers but pretty harmless.

A and B friendship grew a bit because the husbands got along. We went away for a few days, but often still managed to feel “left out”. Sounds ridiculous, but going on walks they would walk ahead and not choose to walk next to me etc, I actually felt very alone that weekend. There was always a separate WhatsApp group between the 2 of them, it would slip out, over really trivial things which needn’t have been kept
separate from our group. Sounds so silly, but it was hurtful.

then they wanted to book an abroad holiday. We frankly couldn’t afford it and didn’t want to go where they were going at that time of year so we politely declined. No hard feelings.

then, we were eating together just the 3 couples and kids at one of their houses, I get home and my husband says “so you know A and B families going away together in a few weekends time?” I said no I didn’t know. Then follows some (IMO) spiel about how one husband wanted to jump on to the other husband’s planned “surprise” for his wife and so neither A nor B knew about this plan. And no one asked us if we wanted to also be on board. The husbands didn’t ask my husband as part of the “surprise”. I felt SO hurt. Neither A nor B said anything to me. The weekend came and went, no social media evidence of the weekend or texts to me to say “you will never guess what the husbands did this weekend”. Just silence. To me, that speaks volumes.

i feel pathetic for being so hurt. I have other wonderful caring friends, but it doesn’t stop me feeling really hurt. I have since given them both a wide berth, I have maintained friendships with C and D who are lovely. When it comes to the group chat I have a real aversion to meeting up with them all (A-E) after the way those 2 treated me. I avoid the group meet ups at all costs. I will meet up individually with C and D.

I suppose I’m after some reassurance that they aren’t very nice and I am ok distancing myself from them. Or any similar stories. I am honestly a very normal person and generally tend to get along with people!

I think it's quite sensitive of them to not mention it or post on SM about it. I don't think they're doing anything wrong being closer friends and going away together without you. Within groups people have different levels of friendships and you say yourself that they're similar and you're very different to them so it shouldn't be any surprise they get along better together. But they still like you so see you sometimes. The issue is more that you don't like them but still want to be included and feel upset not to be. So yes, best to either cut them off or adjust your expectations if you can and give less of a shit about these people you don't like much anyway. Friends from baby groups often don't last anyway. It sounds like it's turned out to be a true friendship for them whereas you'd be better off hanging out with people you like much better. You certainly don't want to go on holiday with them when you had a bad time before so be glad you're out of that ordeal now.

Based on the info in your OP they’re just closer friends than they are with you. With the possible exception of the weekend away if they didn’t reciprocate your efforts to ‘conmect’.

If you dislike their behaviour, eg badmouthing others, and/or how you feel around them due to your own hang ups, see them less as you’re planning.

Your OP is odd about the others you met: pure souls’ (eh?) and ‘bonkers’ but ‘harmless’

My NCT group ditched me, obviously I annoyed a couple of them. I guess they just weren’t my tribe.