It's no wonder I'm wobbly surely....

[wiseoldsnail]

I just want this to end. This horrible feeling though I can't even put my finger on what it is.

I'm divorcing my narcissistic ex husband. We separated for good 9 months ago after he became really abusive and threatened suicide - he was convinced I was having an affair. I wasn't.

A few weeks later he went public on social media with his new girlfriend. Of course we overlapped - I have no evidence of this but we did. It's obvious.

He moved straight in to her home with her kids and continued to abuse me in anyway he could. Still is when it comes to child maintenance.

We have 1 ds together which has been extremely hard to manage. I only allow ex to see ds 1 day every other weekend due to his abusive ways. He's let ds down many many times. Doesn't really FaceTime etc.

Ex introduced ds to the new gf and her kids straight away. 6 months later and he still doesn't know any of their names. He was absolutely desperate for his daddy to come home and had a hard time with us separating. He also has additional needs and is being assessed for autism so I was extremely hurt when exh introduced him without any consideration for ds

Now the new girlfriend is pregnant - not sure how far along she is but this isn't a surprise. This is what he does - gets women pregnant to make them stay with him. He wanted me to get pregnant too straight away. He has children from previous relationships also. It's a pattern. He has absolutely no contact at all with one of his other kids as his ex put a stop to it after we separated.

Anyway today ds wanted to FaceTime his dad. It's been about 3 weeks since they last spoke and it's always ds who will call him. He's only 5. I let him call and ds was desperate to speak to his daddy. He currently has no idea he will be getting a new sibling.

I just feel sad today. I feel empty. Like there's something missing. I sort of miss my old life yet I wouldn't go back to my ex husband if you paid me.

I don't feel jealous of the new gf or anything like that. I suppose I just miss the good times we had - too they were minimal. And also fake.

I have began to wonder if maybe I should start dating again but I don't feel ready yet and I just want to concentrate on ds.

I just don't enjoy days like today then I feel so sad and equally so uncertain for the future. I've done so so much work on myself and continue to do so but some days I don't feel anywhere near close to healing.

Ds is supposed to see his dad next weekend but the thought of it makes me sick. He's been so inconsistent and I'm so worried this new baby is going to confuse ds even further.

Urgh I'm just ranting. I just want to be free of feeling all this

I certainly wouldn't encourage contact.
If he wants to stop seeing your son then that's a good thing. He'd be better off without this influence in his life.

I get that it's an incredibly hard for the poor lad though.

I'd be inclined to tell him (out of context) that some people just aren't very nice. That we can't make them nice. They just aren't. They don't care about the people they should care about. That they betray and cheat. That they bully others. And that we should let these people go. That we should try to stay far away from them when we find out who they are, not hang around hoping they will change. And that sometimes it really hurts because we thought they were good people, at first. But no matter what, to remember you love him very much and there are lots of good people in the world. And he was going to meet lots of them too, not just the bad ones. And to know its not his fault when cruel people behave cruelly.

Helping him understand the world and come to his own conclusions about people in it.

Preparing him to see what his father is for himself and realise what he should do. That way in a few years, he'll understand his dads just an arsehole and it's not his fault.

@Pinkbonbon

Thank you for your response. I'm certainly not encouraging contact by any means. It's just so very difficult when ds desperately wants to see his dad yet I know deep down he is better off without him.

Ex is on his last chance now. His last excuse was that he was stuck working away on the day he was supposed to have ds and said he would have him for few one night to make up for it. I told him he was welcome to have ds as long as he collects him from school and not when he finishes work as it will be too late to collect ds at that point. Ex didnt reply but instead told me how he is going to pay less maintenance for ds as he now has his new girlfriends family to support.....how nice.

I don't think I was unreasonable saying he can collect ds from school. He's self employed and can work his own hours. However it's something he will always refuse to do.

I just want him out of our life for good but it just makes me so uneasy as he only lives in the next village and I'm constantly a wreck that we might bump into him.

I guess I just really thought that when I was finally free of him, life would be better but 9 months later and it doesn't feel like we are anywhere near

Put a claim in for cms.
It's his son and he needs to pay child support.
Any harassment, report it to the police.
Always remember that his sort view kindness, compromise and fear, as weakness. And they attack weakness. The best thing you can do is show you're not afraid to reach out to others for help. He collects the boy from school. End of discussion. If he comes to your home, don't open the door. You gotta have balls of steel.

Alternatively, if you cant be arsed with the fight and can afford to go it alone without child support, take your boy and move further away. A good hour and a bit by car would be ideal. Make it super inconvenient for him to see him. Hopefully he'll just stop bothering. I know it means changing things like schools and maybe your job but surely it's worth it not to have to fear bumping into him in town anymore.