I know it’s not anything I ever did but I feel as if the connections in my mind were wired up wrong from early childhood and ongoing trauma and that it’s not possible to rewire / heal.
I have 3 sisters in the oldest . Our DF divorced our mother when we were quite young and he died a year later.
we all had the same father .
I was always treated horrendously. Very much a case of me being the scapegoat and a lot of nasty abuse (mostly emotional very occasional physical) whilst my 3 sisters treated beautifully.
I was put into foster care at 15. Subsequently hosted in social housing at 18. Very little contact with sisters and mother as every attempt they would just cause me so much trouble one way or another and even when I was NC there were attempts to sabotage things for me . Wider family and friends were told lies about me to the point I lost everyone and just had to accept that.
The thing is it hurts me to this day. Recently I saw my mother as she had been quite ill and she said to me ‘ what did I do wrong ? Just tell me - I never see you ‘ and was acting upset and so (stupidly) I thought maybe she’s sorry although why downstairs she know what she did to me it’s was awful?? So I started seeing her a bit more when she was out of hospital. To then find out last week that she has been telling people that when I’ve gone round she had noticed things missing afterwards. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I feel STUPID for getting sucked back in again.
Has anyone been through similar with this kind of family? I never did a thing to deserve any of it and I feel ‘stuck’ as it’s just so painful