Dreading the future

[Anon751117000]

Not sure if this goes into relationships.... but here goes...
I'm late 40s and since losing my dad a year ago I've started to catastrophise and dread the future. I've been put on HRT as I thought that may have been affecting my mental health and its helped a bit with the low moods. I have 2 kids, one is 16 and the other 12 and I am already dreading the day they both leave home and I'm alone (I'm single and no interest in dating). I also dread the day I lose my Mum too as I don't have much family so she's the one I'm closest to. Its affecting my daily life now and especially on weekends when I don't have work to distract me. To top all this off, I'm struggling with getting older and each time I find a new wrinkle or something I hate looking in the mirror. Some days are worse than others and I don't feel depressed, I just can't stop dreading getting older, losing people and being left alone. Typing this out makes me sound quite pathetic. I do have access to counselling via work so I think I am going to look into that (when I can afford it) but wondered if anyone felt the same or had any advice. I don't know if its an 'age' thing or more to do with losing my dad (maybe both).

Seems you are still going through the grieving process and it has heightened awareness of your own mortality. All very normal, so don't worry, you aren't going round the bend! Some counselling would be good, I'm sure. Take care.

I think a lot of it is grieving.

How are friendships outside the family? Do you have activities outside the house? Hobbies, dog walking, exercise classes, evening classes, a group of friends to go for a drink with? I think building social contacts outside the family is important, and your children are becoming an age you can leave them alone for a while.

There is a line in Golden Girls (I think from Dorothy): "You lose a parent, you might as well be 6. And it pushes you right up to the head of the line!"

Very true and explains what you are going through. Gentle hugs.

You are not alone, OP. I remember my nephew, very young at the time, counting the family members he had left when his much loved grandma passed away. Here we are in middle age, doing the same, with the same anxiety, after losing someone so important.

Counselling does help. So does accepting that life does go on, we just need to move with it. Would it be possible for you to widen your social circle a little? You need people around you, to remind you that you are not alone and won't be once your kids leave home.

OP if your counselling offer is through your employer, it may be free so please don't write it off as its something you have to save up for.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time alone and 'in your head'. I know its tough but could you think of things that you enjoy or new stuff you want to try. Getting out will help you feel less alone.

Thank you all for your lovely replies. Believe it or not I do have lovely friends and I get out and socialise fairly regularly. Its when I'm alone that I feel like this. I do try to keep busy socially and it really does help. @QueenBakingBee my counselling is free but I have to pay an insurance excess (but much cheaper than paying of course). Your messages have helped 😘

You have two kids
They might not move far

Try taking a few deep breaths,empty your mind and live now.