On the verge of a breakup

Polkadotpiglet · 2024-05-03T10:55:46+00:00

On the verge of breaking up with my partner of 8 years. We have a young DC, a house and pets. I've been with him since I was 18 and I'm terrified of being single and forever alone! How am I supposed to start again? Positive stories please!

Dadjoke007 · 03/05/2024 12:24

It's an extremely rubbish time - fear or losing what you have seen as normality and that what you are used to will change. Not having someone you can rely on, the finances, where to live, the impact on kids life, not seeing them all the time...

Last year I thought my world had ended but I focused on making sure the future was as good as it could be - got in better shape, managed to keep the house, did what I could to put my stamp on it, valued time with my kids and then did things I wanted to do. Yes, it was tough but it was the lifestyle I missed and not her.

Dating was interesting and a bit fun - then I fell in love with someone amazing but sadly that has now ended. In some ways I feel lower than last year but have to stay focused no matter how hard. I found counselling invaluable and that's helped me get through things. Talking to friends is also good.

It all depends on why you are breaking up? Just silly arguments or something more serious - can it be fixed?

Andyls · 03/05/2024 12:41

How old is your DC? Are you married?

Original poster

Polkadotpiglet · 03/05/2024 12:50

Andyls · 03/05/2024 12:41

How old is your DC? Are you married?

Not married. DC is nearly 2

OP posts:

Original poster

Polkadotpiglet · 03/05/2024 12:52

Dadjoke007 · 03/05/2024 12:24

It's an extremely rubbish time - fear or losing what you have seen as normality and that what you are used to will change. Not having someone you can rely on, the finances, where to live, the impact on kids life, not seeing them all the time...

Last year I thought my world had ended but I focused on making sure the future was as good as it could be - got in better shape, managed to keep the house, did what I could to put my stamp on it, valued time with my kids and then did things I wanted to do. Yes, it was tough but it was the lifestyle I missed and not her.

Dating was interesting and a bit fun - then I fell in love with someone amazing but sadly that has now ended. In some ways I feel lower than last year but have to stay focused no matter how hard. I found counselling invaluable and that's helped me get through things. Talking to friends is also good.

It all depends on why you are breaking up? Just silly arguments or something more serious - can it be fixed?

Thank you. Lots of things have built up to it and for the last 8 months or so I've just been generally unhappy and so has he. Just can't see a future together. No one's cheated or anything like that but don't think we are meant to be together

OP posts:

Andyls · 03/05/2024 12:56

Polkadotpiglet · 03/05/2024 12:50

Not married. DC is nearly 2

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I honestly wouldn't make any life changing decisions if you could help it while your DC is so young.

What do you think the reason to break up would be?

Depending on the reason I would sit down with my partner and say I know things are hard now but it's only because DC is so young and this the hardest part to get through while they are this young and we just need to make allownces for each other and make it through to the otherside.

Dadjoke007 · 03/05/2024 13:05

Polkadotpiglet · 03/05/2024 12:52

Thank you. Lots of things have built up to it and for the last 8 months or so I've just been generally unhappy and so has he. Just can't see a future together. No one's cheated or anything like that but don't think we are meant to be together

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Ok, so that's a positive.

Have you discussed the issues making you both unhappy - are they things you can work on or not (i.e. you don't spend quality time together - fix is to get baby sitter and have regular date nights OR you want a 6ft bloke and he is 5ft 8).

Would you both like to make it work? If so Relate or something like that could help a lot