I'm everyone's emotional support

[JamSandle]

It's possible I'm taking on too much, but I'm the oldest daughter (mid 30s) and my family are struggling.

I'm employed full time and living at home. I have savings.

My brother is unemployed and struggling with mental health. He hasn't worked for a few years. He's also neurodivergent and has made it clear he feels he needs my help job searching etc.

My dad is elderly and both my brother and I rely on him a lot but he won't be here forever.

My recent ex is also struggling for work and a place to live.

I feel like everyone around me is struggling and I'm the most together. I need to buck up and be the strong and sensible one but I also feel drained.

I dont really know how to start my own life (single and have family who need me). I feel a bit stuck.

What should I do here?

Well your most recent exs living situation is no longer your concern. Because he's an ex.
Now I get that maybe IF you have kids with him you need to stay in touch. And that they might not be able to stay at his for a while...but still, his problem to resolve.

As for your brother, it's nice you want to help him but there comes a point where you have to say 'I can't help people who won't help themselves'. What is HE doing to look for work?

You cannot pour from an empty cup op. Make time for you. Learn to say 'no' sometimes. It's OK to put yourself first. If you're dead on your feet, how could you possibly be of help to other people?

If I were you, I'd take a solo holiday. Might help you find yourself. Maybe an adventure holiday that gets you out and makes you challenge your idea of who you are and what you are capable of. Something freeing.

Maybe for your brother see what careers service facilities there are available in your area. Many areas have charities that work with people with mental health conditions or disabilities that may have employment advisors they can refer to that can help with job applications.

For your Dad if he has care needs consider getting a care assessment via the council and applying for attendance allowance. Age UK are helpful and may be able to tell you what help and resources there are locally.

The ex is not your responsibility, you have enough on your plate.

Yeah, I agree that you need to disengage from the ex - even if you feel guilty about the split or something like that, it's his stuff to deal with now. You're not his emotional support human, you gave up that job on break-up.

Is there a work club your brother could join for support, instead of relying on you as much?

Op there are lots of agencies that support nd people. Just being related to someone doesn’t mean you are the right person to support them in anything. You can provide emotional support but in terms of supporting him with job searching etc there will be lots of groups locally that can help.

I'm wondering what the dynamic growing up was? Were you valued for smoothing over problems? Were you valued for taking on responsibilities that weren’t yours? Were there adults that made you responsible for their actions? Effectively have you been groomed to see other people as incapable and that your only hope of safety is to be responsible for everything everywhere?

I may be right off the mark but your post sounds like someone carrying a lot of weight that isn’t theirs.