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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

i (25f) think my fiance (30m) is lying to me and blaming my mental illness

7 replies

springy1211 · 02/05/2024 21:49

i've been with my fiance for four years and were planning a wedding. we have been very stressed lately just with a lot going on. about a month ago i started feeling something every night in bed for about a week and i never said anything. it felt as though he was beating off right next to me in bed while i was trying to sleep. when i brought this up to him he immediately blamed my mental illness and suggested something was wrong with me and my meds (which i was making progress with, with the help of a psychiatrist and therapist.) i told him that i know what i felt and i know what's going on and he still stayed adamant nothing was happening. he set up a camera, the camera showed nothing, but i still felt what i was feeling. except on the camera he was laying different than how he was when i was "catching" him before (including twice now i've felt his d*ck being hard when i caught him but he told me it wasn't or that it was but he wasn't sure why it just happens when you sleep) the problem is then... he acts or says he is very understanding he wants to be with me and that everything will work out with the help of my therapist and psychiatrist. but i can't help feeling that he is lying to me and just purposefully making me feel crazy but i have no idea why he would want to do that. i love him a lot and we have been through so much together i can't imagine my life without him. does anyone think there's a chance it really is just my mental illness?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 02/05/2024 21:51

Don’t get married.

coodawoodashooda · 02/05/2024 21:53

This is your relationship at its best. As long as you know that.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/05/2024 21:53

Does the mental illness with which you've been diagnosed cause phantom sensations and/or auditory hallucinations?

And in other news, why does it matter if he's knocking one out?

I'm not even going into the whole camera thing. That's next level.

Pinkbonbon · 02/05/2024 22:21

Yeah...Im going to go out on a limb and say it's not your mental illness.

Has it ever woke you?
If so, you know he's a liar.

Tbh kf its to the point where you've set up camera..i suspect been gaslighting the fuck out of you.

Why? Well, plenty of abusers do this. This can be how it starts. Convincing you you are ill (or, more ill than you actually are).

I also really don't like the sexual element to this. It's creepy.

Now I could be wrong. Maybe you have tinnitus for example and it's making you feel the bed is shaking? It often gets worse when you lie down (but...wouldn't wake you I don't think) But I certainly don't think you are imagining anything.

Pinkbonbon · 02/05/2024 22:26

Maybe lie in the bed and see if it feel like it shakes without him in it? Then it might be a health issue.

Naunet · 03/05/2024 08:56

Why are you marrying this man? What’s the rush? It sounds like you should be prioritising yourself and your mental health.

DaffodilFarm · 03/05/2024 12:00

I do wonder, what sort of mental illness were you diagnosed with?

Sometimes the abusers are the source of illness and the illness mysteriously disappears when you are away from them.

He sounds creepy as fuck.

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