Relationship and son

[Brummiebryony]

I was lucky to meet a wonderful man last year (after being single for 7 following an abusive marriage which I left when my now 8 year old son was a baby). My ex is no longer around and isn't allowed any contact with us (that's another story).
This is the first relationship I've had since leaving the marriage 7 years ago, and obviously my son won't remember my time with his father.

Son has always been very protective of me (he knows in an age-appropriate way that his father wasn't kind to us and wasn't allowed to be around us anymore).

My current partner had been a good friend to me for 3 years (son never met him though) before we got together early last year. I wait till Christmas holidays 2023 to introduce him to my son, as wanted to be sure before taking such a big step!

Son took really well to him straight away and they got on so well. They've met a few more times since then (at my house). Partner lives couple of hours' drive away so we can't meet as often as we'd like. All is going well though and my son is always asking to see him, when's he next coming to visit etc.

My partner makes it a priority to include my son in things, the 3 of us going together to places.. cinema, the zoo etc.

However, whenever I plan anything "adult only" with my partner, I find myself having to "hide" this from my son as he gets upset and says he's jealous. Luckily I have a job that involves travel, so "training courses" a happening a lot all of a sudden! haha. Grandparents are supportive of my relationship and help me with childcare, so that partner and I have alone time.

I'm just wondering how best to manage this with my son going forward? Obviously don't want him getting jealous whenever partner and I meet, or wanting to tag along to everything. I'm really pleased that he likes my partner so much, lol I actually feel like a spare part when partner's over for a visit as son wants him all to himself to talk about football :) Partner happy to include my son as much as possible (he doesn't have kids but is a teacher, so obviously well-experienced with kids).

Anyone been in similar situations?

I think its so lovely that your son is so fond of partner. and so lovely he wants to include your son.
I think your son just isn't used to sharing you, and he will get used to not being with you all the time.

'I love you kiddo, you'll always be my number one. Seriously, I'd walk into hell and back for you, you know that right? But sometimes adults need some alone time together. You know, for dates and stuff. I mean...unless you want to watch me and Ben snogging?'.

That'll likely be Met with 'eeew mum no'.
Problem solved.

But you do need to make ot clear that he doesn't get to dictate your choices. Remeber he shares his father's dna so you need potentially to work extra hard to make sure he grows up kind and empathetic. It might have to be a case of 'I'm sorry you feel that way kiddo but I'm still going'.

You don't want him getting to his teens thinking he can dictate your choices. Or you'll have another mini version of his dad in your life again. Worst case scenario of course. But it happens a lot, because their mothers spoil them or never told them no.