Children are a very good reason for their parents to try to repair their relationship ... is it OK not to try?

[Twoddle]

During a very strained time last year, preceding our separation, my ex had not so much affairs as a string of several-night-stands.

We are having some time apart - it will probably be a permanent separation - but both wish to spend some time talking later in the year about the possibility of rebuilding our relationship (we have a son who's nearly four, and see him as a very good reason to at least talk about this possibility).

So just supposing, when we do talk, my ex wants to give it another go: would it be an injustice to ds for me to say no? When so much hurt has been caused, and one would effectively need their ex-partner (and probably themselves too) to be different in so many ways for their relationship to function healthily, is it OK to not even try making a go of things, even with the opportunity there to do so? Or, with kids involved, does one always try everything before throwing the towel in?

Hmm.

By the way, I'm so sorry for the hurt you've been caused. It is the loneliest feeling in the world.

littlewoman, I'm so sorry similar happened to you. It sounds awful, and I can relate to the emergent feelings of worthlessness. Interesting, your point about not trying if I don't even like my ex. I don't like him much at the moment, no. Maybe I love him still a little bit - dunno. I suppose I have heard of couples pretty much hating each other and still being able to turn things around because they both wanted to try - healthy feelings and behaviour patterns steadily re-emerging - that sort of thing. I think it unlikely, tbh. But I suppose if there's a chance it could, however small, I feel I owe it to ds to try ... just feels a bit futile I suppose. I am angry and infuriated and exasperated with ex-dp on a regular basis!

Anyway, thanks for posting. Really, I just wanted to say I feel for you, with respect to your experience with your ex.

x

Thank you Twoddle. We had a horribly acrimonious divorce, power struggles and all sorts, because when we split we both still loved each other, but it just couldn't go on like that - and I knew it would always go on like that if I stayed with him yet again.
I don't think splitting up is any easier than trying to work through it (in my experience). Both ways is going to mean a horrible couple of years, probably. Whatever you decide, I wish you the strength and support to get through it. But don't you just wish you could turn back the clock, and never find out about it at all?