We've been together for 30 years and have 4 children, youngest is 10, eldest is 13.
Bit of background (will try to keep it brief)... I'm from the UK; he's from a different (Islamic) country. We initially lived here for 5 years after getting married, and then lived in his country for 20 years. Despite learning the language and making friends, having a family, a part of me always wanted to settle back in the UK (I was always open about this). After his parents passed, we made the move in 2020.
And that's where the problems started.
Since coming back, he refuses to find a job (says it's beneath him to work for someone else). I have a good job which I love, but it's hard not to get resentful (and fearful) when all expenses for life, family and the future are my burden.
He wanted to start his own business with his brother back in his country, and asked for my help setting up a website, which I was more than happy to do. However, it ended up taking more and more time as the scope grew bigger and bigger. This caused arguments as he felt I was 'never getting it finished'.
On Saturday, I wanted to show him the new design and he just said 'That's not nice' again and again. I asked what? An image on the page (he just ignored the rest of my work?!). I said if there's a specific image he had in mind to use, he could send it to me.
He then blew up, accused me of being over-sensitive. told me that I think too much of myself. When I was confused, his response was that my hormones must be all over the place and it's making me crazy (I'm 50)... He then said he doesn't want me to work on his stuff anymore.
I cried myself to sleep, and on Sunday we barely spoke. On Monday he ignored me all day, and seemed prepared to keep on doing so.
Today, I tried to end the silent treatment. Asked if he'd like me to continue on the site? The curt reply was "No. Anyone but you, but not you".
I replied that the site was one thing, but I felt his behaviour was damaging to our relationship.
His reply: "There is no relationship with someone crazy like you."
Told him I don't want to live like this and was told "I don't want YOU".
This is just one situation out of tens of similar situations over the past 4 years. The pattern is usually I back down, things are calm for a while, and then I'll do something to trigger the whole thing off again.
I'm done with this. I want him to realize that silent treatment is abuse. That this is not fair.
He has no respect for me, and (please don't laugh at me for this) all I really want back is my best friend who I married 30 years ago, not the stranger I live with these days.
Oh gosh, this turned into a much longer than intended post, but I really need some advice, opinions, guidance. Sometimes I think 'am I crazy?', 'is it my hormones?', and other times I just get really really angry, and then sad. Life is too short for this.