Becoming single at 40... how do I find myself again?

[bootswiththefur]

A long term relationship is coming to an end.... (short version, I think he's cheated, he denies it, but trust is completely broken - long version - whole history of a toxic relationship and this is the final straw).

I am 40 I have two kids and the woman I believe he's been with is younger, great figure, beautiful.

I know it's the right thing long term but navigating through this next stage will be rough. We cant leave the family home instantly so there will be a period where we're in the house together but no longer a couple.

My question is- Those who have had a break up in their 40s with kids - how do you re-find yourself? For my pride I don't want to be the fat, tired ex that everyone will feel sorry for. Does cliche things like a new hair cut, a tan, working out help or does it just make you feel worse? Do you end up wallowing in single life for the foreseeable or do you find a way of becoming you again?

I can't imagine life without him but I can't live with him. I don't have any close friends I can turn to and so feeling very lost.

Please tell me there can be a happy ending! x

There can be but you have to FOCUS. Remember that the best revenge is to thrive, so get yourself feeling good (whatever that means to you) make sure he has the kids on his days and embrace the freedom. Take yourself out and about everywhere, go to all the places you want to go. You can totally do this and you will feel empowered and liberated and wonderful! It might take a bit of time but I promise you’ll be FINE, so much better than living a lie with an arse who doesn’t treat you nicely x

Perhaps try and make some new friends? I joined a local Facebook group for women last year and asked if anyone fancied meeting up for a drink after work. Two ladies turned up and with one of them we just hit it off straight away and we now meet at least once a week for drinks/walks/etc. This friendship has been such a huge help with my (still ongoing) breakup, she's pretty much my best friend now even though have only known her for a short time.

Hi darling - take it easy and one thing at a time.
First focus on you and the kids and have a plan re finances and moving house (him not you).
The. Focus on you. Exercise, better job, set some goals for you.
after a few months date but not necessarily to find someone. Just to meet people and have a drink.
It‘s very important to seaparate and go to different houses for you to heal. Go limited contact only for the kids.