My girlfriend is taking to her ex hiding it behind my back..

[ELRainbow]

So I will say I did go through my girlfriends phone because I had a gut feeling. Sure it's not great to do that but it shouldn't be a problem if you haven't got nothing to hide. I just needed reassurance that my gut wasn't right and well... I came across the unexpected which shock me to my core as my girlfriend of over 6 years... has been texting her ex.. hiding it, deleting it, archiving it so you don't get notifications and hasn't told me ever she's in contact with him but instead that she hates him and never wants to see him again... ???

What makes this worse. We're in a same sex relationship... this guy turned her gay... she says anyway.. she hated having sex with him and even says it was like r4pe because she didn't want to..? Yet she's texting him??? And idk how long for...

What should I do

No everyone does not do it.

So me being anxious and I check her phone which I apologised for because I know it's wrong. I needed reassurance and I find something and get upset and confront her why she didn't tell me. It's not me being controlling it's the right thing to do to communicate with your partner if your ex has contacted you when your other half has said to communicate those things esp when it wasn't a good relationship with the ex im not explaining myself well. It's not healthy to go through a phone I mean it's super healthy to not be defensive of your partner Asks to go through it etc

That's all I wanted exactly is honesty with me and communicate when he messaged that's all

Just to clarify I didn't mean it's super healthy to go through someone's phone. I worded myself wrong. Obviously I apologised before even confronting my partner with what I found. I mean it's super healthy to not get super Defensive if you was to ask to check phone etc

I know me checking without their knowledge js wrong hence why I said sorry

You are very wrong about it being healthy to look through your partner’s phone to relieve insecurity.

If I was your partner then I’d expect you to ask before checking my phone and I would let you look. If it’s a one off then great but if it’s a regular occurrence then I’m likely to dump you eventually as I’m not a cheater and it’s up to the person with low esteem to work on themselves rather than expect someone else to sort it for them.

It sounds like your partner hasn’t told you the truth about the past. Nobody turns another person gay and it’s clearly not a black and white nasty breakup that you were told.

They may not be cheating physically or sexually but keeping secrets like this is crappy disrespectful behaviour. There’s a thin line between cheating and lying about this topic. If it was innocent then she would have mentioned it or explained her past more accurately.

It doesn't matter why she's done it, would be completely harmless but that she knew you'd have an issue with it. Could not be harmless. He could be harassing her and she's keeping the messages as evidence but whatever the reason
You don't trust her (possibly anyone from what you've written), therefore it will always niggle in the back of your mind and therefore you need to end the relationship because you won't be able to fully let it go.

Am I missing what she actually said about her contact with her ex? Any explanation?

Also, going through anyones phone behind their back is not the indicator of a healthy relationship.

I've been with my husband for 18 years and I've never checked his phone. Ever. Never felt the need to even. Not a peek. So I feel like if you even just feel like checking the relationship is probably already not a goer.

And that's your problem.

You think this is healthy behaviour.

You have a much bigger issue here than just her contacting her ex. You have a problem with her ex and think it's healthy to check your partner phone. You don't just trust her.

And now youve found a reason not to trust her.

She's not told you about this for a reason. This is something you can't talk about in your relationship.

Sorry but the relationship is fucked regardless. It's a question of how long you both drag it out for now or whether you decide to communicate with each other about why she doesn't feel she can talk to you and why you think it's healthy to snoop on your partner.

Good luck with that.

What's with all the super? What happened to very or another normal word?

It is perfectly normal to do it and perfectly normal to then deny it. People who have done the same thing will be outraged on here.

As a wise OP once said…

“…I did go through my girlfriend’s phone because I had a gut feeling. Sure it's not great to do that…”