Is this emotional/mental abuse ?

[Elz80]

Hi I’m after some advice on my relationship I’ve been in for 2 years now. My partner shuts me down if I try and talk to him about anything that I’m not happy about or if we argue he threatens to pack his stuff everytime and leave. I feel like I can’t say or talk to him about my feelings. He keeps saying he doesn’t know what he wants then the next day acts as if nothing happened. I’m walking on eggshells constantly and feel anxious around him and with my children. He is always depressed moans about anything and is so jealous of people. I feel like I’m mentally being abused and don’t know day to day what mood he will be in. I just need help to work out if this is some kind of abuse. There’s so much more to it but hard to explain it all

No it’s not what I want just fear the unknown and the loneliness. Tried so hard to find a relationship and sometimes he treats me nicely but god messes with my head was fine today relaxing ready for the weekend already he’s put a downer on it given me a headache about how down he is and feels sick his depression like I have to feel sorry for him so told him I don’t want to see him go somewhere else tonight that’s a good first step I guess

just fear the unknown and the loneliness

You are already lonely. You will be less lonely when the most important person in the world has got your back: you.

What is it you think is out there to fear, that's worse than being abused regularly in your own home? That's a genuine question, not a statement about how 'things can only get better'... what are you scared of? No money, no home, nobody to love you..? What's the big monster out there that's frightening to you?

I have a home . Money and a good job its literally just being alone I know I need to be strong enough just to let go and end the relationship just hate that feeling of no one loving me or being there to help me

His mask has fallen and he’s shown you who he really is. This will never get better only worse. Leave now and never look back. You and your children deserve more.

You ALREADY have the feeling of no one loving you or being there to help you, and that's with him there, living with you. Because of the way he treats you, he is making you feel worthless and incapable.

Seriously, you will feel far better once he is out of your life and not dragging you down and making you so miserable.

Please be strong and get rid of him.

I have a home . Money and a good job its literally just being alone I know I need to be strong enough just to let go and end the relationship just hate that feeling of no one loving me or being there to help me

OK, that makes sense.

I've said this before on here but I'm going to say it again because I think it might help you: the person who is failing you, and the person you need to be there to help you, is you. The person who needs to love you, is you. You are looking externally, because you've never realised that your feelings are the priority. The only priority you need to care about. And the reason you've never realised this is because you were never taught it: so it's not your fault. When we turn 18, we are deemed, legally, not to need our parents anymore. But that's not because we don't need parenting; it's because we are old enough to be our own parent. So, the duty passes to us to make sure we have our basic needs met (food, shelter, enough exercise for health etc), and for many of us, we feel the duty is met if we meet those needs for ourselves. But that's not parenting, is it? That's not how you look after your kids, it's just the very basic aspect of parenting.

What else do you do for your kids? What do you make sure they have in their lives, so that their lives feel good and wholesome and emotionally/psychologically healthy?

its been a tough week and Friday again and made to feel like crap somehow need to find the strength to do something about it opened up to a friend this evening who was shocked at what I told her said the same leave and I know I have to pack his stuff up
and do it somehow

I’ve finally got rid of him ! He had another meltdown said he didn’t love me anymore because I’ve been telling him I don’t want to here the whining all because he’s had a long week at work early mornings took it out on me playing with my emotions . I told home. He was an abuser which he didn’t like then heard he’d gone to the pub and was drinking alone crying to himself. This time he obviously thought I’d beg him back but I didn’t! Yesterday was the first day I’ve never spoken to him in over two years! So I’m pleased he’s upset over to after the way he’s treated me