Is it me or is it them?!

[okaythensure]

I can't decide if it's me being over sensitive or if I'm attracting these people.

A few examples...

A friend I've known for a long time contacted me to celebrate her big birthday - dinner, drinks, a stay in a hotel etc.

I already had plans on the date she suggested but as it was a big event I rescheduled my arrangements and was really looking forward to it...I never heard another word from her about it!

She then missed my birthday, not as much as a text, after I contacted her even though she'd completely blown me out re her birthday arrangements.

I haven't heard from her for ages until she recently sent me a random message about something else. I've ignored her. I'm quite hurt by her behaviour tbh. This however makes me feel petty.

In more recent times I've had a friend send me a message to tell me I sound awful on the phone after I'd spend quite some time helping her...the whole reason I was on the phone!

And now there's a parent from school who keeps contacting me to complain about my DD if she even glances in her child's direction.

I've spoken with the school and they have intimidated other child is prone to dramatics and parents are not helping the situation.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm attracting these people to me somehow. I'm fairly confident but can be a people pleaser so it makes wonder. Or am I just being over sensitive?!

Anyone

Well, the parent at school, you can't do anything about that. I had one of those. Keep the school informed and trust that they know the score. You haven't attracted them, they've just got a bee in their bonnet for some reason.

The one who was arranging the birthday celebration might have just changed their mind about the whole thing or not wanted you to change existing plans (tbh, that's a bit of a red flag on your part - the sort of person who'll cancel existing plans if something better comes along is often unreliable.) They might have just forgotten your birthday.

In my experience, people with pleasing tendancies often overlook these, seeing the person as vulnerable and in need of their help/support. Especially if they don't seem to have many other friends.

They often also expect the same level of people pleasing from others seeing it as just being nice and why wouldn't someone want to be nice?

Does any of that ring true?

Often, the reasons they don't have many/any other friends is because other people recognise the red flags and steer clear.

You don't attract people like this any more than anyone else does but some people allow them to stick around for longer than others which makes it feel personal.

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I'm sure there are people who didn't send me a birthday text but I can't remember who now!

How awful op, I agree these things hurt.

Re the child in school that's not you, but you could try and not let these things bother you as much, think 'they're nuts, school said so too', and not pay it any more attention but when your dc needs you to.

With the friends birthday; did you discuss with her what you were going to do (cancelling other plans)? Did she agree? Sometimes people do stuff unasked for and then if plans play out differently, they hold what they did, against you.
I don't think it is always a red flag if you cancel something pre planned, not everything is as important and some plans may very well be rescheduled.
But you very much need to be open about it and expect plans to change for others as well.

Your friend commenting on your phone behaviour does not sound very good friend-like, she may have done it for a various of reasons though, hard to say. Again I think you should've addressed it right then and there. No way of knowing if not asked.

I can very much relate to this, I used to always be too shy or scared or confrontation avoiding to dare say anything, and then these types of situations used to keep me up at night.
What worked for me was to have the conversation in my head and usually could guess the outcome if it was concerning something a friend said or did.
The other thing was that I decided for myself that on every occasion I had two options: I would either speak up about it, and if I didn't, I did not allow myself to dwell on it either.

So speak up or let go.

It literally changed my life on the spot deciding that.
Because if your honest, it also isn't fair on other people either, as well as you. It is passive agressive behaviour, even though not intentionally.