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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner not pulling his weight? Overreacting? Help me debrief!

3 replies

picolosmum · 29/04/2024 19:37

I don’t really know where to begin so apologies if this seems a bit jumbled.

partner and I have a toddler together, he’s self employed, I’m a stay at home mum as we don’t yet get funded hours and our village preschool won’t take her until she’s 3 anyway, don’t want to put her into another nursery as she will be going after summer anyway. love being at home with LO but as we all know toddlers are draining emotionally and physically. I think I cope really well at home with her and keeping the house clean and tidy. sometimes it’s 6 days in a row where OH works 8-6pm which is quite long with no family nearby, he does however always cook dinner for us but that is ALL he does other than go to work. I’d like to add I’m also an unpaid member of staff - I do all the social media messages with clients (how we get 99% of our work) and appointment bookings.

I’ve put up with it for a while now but it’s come to heads lots over the past month and the explosive arguments seem more frequent and we both say things we probably don’t mean. I have called him useless quite a few times now which I know is nasty but it feels like he is other than earning money he does barely anything. I’m at my wits end . We are due to get married next year and I love him but I just think fuck me, is it too much to get off your arse out of bed in the mornings feed the dogs, make our child’s breakfast? Just do something before you leave rather than me doing it ALL!! For example he only wakes up 5-10 minutes before he needs to leave each day so I have to do everything. When he can put Facebook down he is a wonderful dad and partner just sick of having to nag him to do stuff.

Not sure what I’m looking for here. Just needed to vent.

OP posts:
MsLuxLisbon · 29/04/2024 19:43

YANBU. He is being lazy and unhelpful. You shouldn't be the one left with all the gruntwork. That would be true even if you weren't helping him with the business, but as you are, you are essentially his colleague and he shouldn't just be expecting you to pick up all the slack. How is the money divided, you say you are 'unpaid' but do you have equal access to money?

Doyouhonestlyexpectmetobelieve · 29/04/2024 19:49

Do you have any independent wealth ? If not then you NEED to get married to be entitled to a share of any part of his business ! (Unless you are a co director of course )

Work /Home split ? 8-6pm 6 days a week is pretty full on if it's constant work . I don't think I would expect much more if he cooks each day - but we all see these things differently.

Doyouhonestlyexpectmetobelieve · 29/04/2024 19:51

That didn't make much sense - do you have any independent wealth - or are you entirely dependent on your dp for income ? If he ran off with the NDN how would you be financially ?

... and then the bit about business shares ! ...

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