Did he physically cheat?

[littleheartsx]

I have got myself in to a deep dark rabbit hole and would just like some advice. My ex left me 6 months ago for getting black out drunk and lashing out. Since then I have felt like a worthless piece of crap.

I recently went through an old iPad in which I found messages between my ex partner and other women. The messages are vile, some from when I was pregnant and some after. There isn’t anything in them to say he had physically cheated but the intent was there.

For some stupid reason I went back and looked over more messages from a friend of his, this particular friend doesn’t have a partner nor children, in fact I don’t remember a time when he ever had a partner. This friend has sent my ex a video from instagram saying “when you’re on your way to your sneaky links house and you start to think about your little family … but you still end up the sneaky links to clap the ass” and then another one that says “when you go through her phone to see if she’s cheating and you find screenshots of you cheating on her”

Would any of you take this as confirmation that my ex has physically cheated on me with other women, and by that I mean physically slept with other women.

Im in genuine pain, and still broken & this has really upset me. Pathetic I know!!

Should I say to him? God I don’t really know why I’m writing this all out .. but here we are

Kindly OP, this is in the past. Its painful to discover, of course but in your reality now, whether he did cheat or not is irrelevant.

All you're doing is causing yourself unnecessary grief by fixating on this. Let it go and move on.

Granted. I guess I’ve been driving myself nuts for the last 6 months being convinced that I’m crazy , when there’s a very good chance I was right all along.

ok if you want people to take a guess purely from reading those messages?
Yes sounds like he was a cheating scumbag too.

Just be thankful you’re rid of him and make sure you don’t end up in the same sort of relationship again

Take a deep breath, and let this be a reminder why you left him in the first place.You're much better off without this waste of space in your life.

I remember your other threads OP and he's an asshole and his whole family are arseholes.
He probably did physically cheat. He's no loss and you are so much better off without him.
Do you have access to therapy? While it's normal to go through a lot of emotions after a break up this has the potential to go on for a very long time which is going to do you no good at all so it would be in your best interest to try to do the work to get yourself to a positive headspace!

Does it matter if he cheated physically or not? He betrayed you by messaging other women. Don’t give him another thought and be glad you’re rid of him

You know he's an asshole that almost certainly cheated. You're not crazy but definitely don't contact him. He won't care and he'll probably only lie and gas light you. You know the truth now, he's a liar and a cheat, don't let him mess with your head any longer - put it to bed now and move on.

How does one build a wonderful new life and truly genuinely move on and get over him and this?

It feels like years of trauma, being gaslit, manipulated and a shit show of abuse, it is so bloody painful! But I am willing to work my arse off mentally and physically to give me and my child the best life!

Why the hell is my brain wired to miss and want this person, who probably wouldn’t actually give a shit if I was dead or alive.

I have booked in for some therapy, I really need to work on my self esteem that’s for sure!

OP - instead of focusing on what he did or didn’t do - counselling focusing on yourself will be a much better time investment into your future with your child.

And giving up drinking too. Because - no matter what sort of crap person he may be - getting blackout drunk and lashing out - with your child in the house (presumably) - is inexcusable.

Agreed. Inexcusable.

My HV said it was more than likely reactive abuse. A mixture of no sleep, ppd, no support, alcohol and the fact I was constantly pocked and prodded has made me act way off character.

I haven’t drank since. My child was not in the house, I wouldn’t drink with my child around.

Hi op
I did similar to you. I lashed out and slapped my ex. He left and 5 months later he came back then his ex before me contacted me and he was cheating on her with me (I didn't know). I lashed out and slapped him over boundary breaking with other women..facetimes and late night phone calls with this 1 particular women friend to be exact.

I felt awful for my behaviour and he used it to his advantage .... he went back to the ex before me for those 5 months we split and in his words "I just told her whatever bullshit to get what I wanted"

Still reeling from it nearlly a year on!