First time posting and am just in shock and just venting really I just don't know what else to do as don't know who I would talk to about this.
Partner and I have been together almost 8 years, I have DD12 from previous relationship and we have two ds together 3 and 7 months. For context DPs father has been unwell with cancer for a little over a year around when we found out I was pregnant with ds2 so it's been a really difficult time for him. I've tried to be as supportive as possible but he's became increasingly more angry and says nasty stuff to me during arguments, sometimes about my having PND after our first ds. The last few months haven't been great as I've caught him out in some pointless lies that he's then gaslight me about ( I promise I'm not lying I would never lie to you, you know I'm telling the truth ect ect) not pulling his weight with house and kids but maybe I should just be doing more with everything going on with his dad idk.
So basically it came to a head yesterday we had went shopping with the two younger kids as DD was at her friend's. We were sitting in the car after putting the shopping away but the kids had been getting stroppy in the shop and were needed fed changed ect. He was needing to pick something up about 30 minutes round trip but we were already close to the house so I started to suggest he drop us off and I'd get the shopping away and kids fed then by that time he'd probably be back and we were planning on taking them to the park. He just started shouting over me that he's not changing the plan and I get too stressed out with the kids, I tried to again say I wasn't stressed and explain what I meant but he cut me off again and I just said okay. He then raised his arm above his head with his phone in his hand I flinched and he didn't do anything for a second so I thought it was fine then he just flug it full force at the door where I was sitting, I had my legs crossed so it hit my foot. I just started crying and asked him to take the kids and I home, he said no and proceeded to pick up the thing for his dad. I was so shocked and just silently crying, he apologised then said I just get him so angry I push him to that point and that it's his car ? I said that's what domestic abusers say we bickered for a few minutes then I just went silent, I wasn't going to continue in front of the kids.When we were 10 minutes away from being home he started asking why was I like this what was wrong with me and I just stayed silent I could only think of getting away from him. He then said oh you're not gne answer me just sit there and cry and went on to say how he should have left me years ago and he just doesn't want to leave his poor children with me ect ect all the way home while I just sat silent. I got home put the shopping away made my son's lunch and lo a bottle to sit and cool and told him I was going to the toilet. I went to my room and balled my eyes out I am just so heartbroken this is not the man I knew, I know I've been difficult at time but nothing like this and I've worked to better myself but he just say's he will then doesn't... Then ds1 fell while playing and I ran downstairs DP was comforting him, I proceed to change lo's nappy as I could smell he'd pood and DP just sat the whole time telling me the whole day was my fault if I hadn't got him so angry and pushed him to throw his phone I wouldn't have been upstairs crying and ds wouldn't have hurt himself, wtf ? Am I wrong ?? He later took it more seriously and apologised and said he needs to deal with his feelings better but honestly I'm now worried it might escalate further. I just don't even know what to do right now how the fuck am I meant to move past this ??