I didn’t want to leave but I had to, anyone else been through this?

[YouAgain1]

I know I have to leave but I don’t want to. Why is it like this? When you know you should go but you just keep hoping. They show you time after time but you still stay. Is it a lack of self love?
Did anyone go through this, leave and regret it?

I’m still needing to leave. Staying knowing that he won’t change, yet still hoping he will. I will end it one day.

I have,
I waited too long, your children can see more than you know.

When I told my son my partner was moving out, he asked if that was because he's always shouting and swearing at you.

I thought I had done a great job of keeping it from him.

We are so happy now, just the two of us, he sees a strong mum who loves herself.

It's frightening, all the unknowns, being alone was a big fear for me, I'd never been single, I can safely say two years later I've never been happier.

Sadly they rarely change, you will just keep sacrificing more of yourself until there's nothing left to give, try to leave now.

Lean on your friends and family, they will support you and your child.

You feel this for a number of reasons. You dont list details but some or all of these:

• Fear - being alone, what the future holds
• Finances - you will be worse off
• Friendships - divorce costs friendships and groups
• Kids - less access, disrupts their life
• Complexity - childcare and access, new partners
• That if you have been with someone a long time there will still be some feelings

None of these are wrong - it depends on the reasons to leave. If the other is repeatedly cheating, being abusive etc... then that good enough. If it's because they leave socks on the floor then it could be an overreaction!

Yes sadly I am in this situation and it's horrible. It's not so easy to just up and leave especially when children are involved too.

The other week even my couples therapist who has seen both me and OH for months spoke to me separately and told me to leave my partner - and even then after a professional has told me, I'm still struggling.

But as the bullet points list above I feel all those things, fear, love, concerns over contact with kids, new partners etc. Also every thing I thought my future would be will change. But I know deep down I deserve better.

@YouAgain1 Why do you need to leave?

I always think of this video when I read posts like yours OP.

You deserve lots of love.

I never ever expected to leave. I stayed after things that others would have left for. Then when I absolutely had to leave it was fine. It was done. I'm doing so welll. He is not.

The video @speakball has posted here has really explained it all really.
It IS so incredibly hard to leave when you know you should but don’t want to. Because maybe just maybe they will change.
I personally need to leave because he changes for a few weeks, is emotionally present then goes back to the being emotionally unavailable, selfish, not a part of our family. He’s here but he’s not here.
I will leave one day and we will co parent.
Thankyou for the replies

No one wants to leave a relationship but when someone has done something that is unacceptable and unforgivable your relationship is no longer what you thought it was anyway so you're not leaving what you thought you had. You are leaving as there is nothing there.

Often the thought is worse than the reality.

Do it.

YES, kindred spirit here, in my case no children were involved though which makes it harder if there are

Same here. I have been thinking of leaving for over 2 years, we had some time apart and it was awful but I know now that I should have stuck it out. Nothing has changed, in fact it’s worse. Yet I still feel paralysed.
In my case, we don’t share children and he’s not a provider for me. I think it’s the fact that it was my house pre-marriage and I’m scared of losing it or having to buy him out and struggling to survive financially. And because I love him it’s the hope that things will get better and we can have the relationship we once did.

Even recently we have spoken about how bad things are and I have raised whether we should be together but he insists he wants to work on it, yet he doesn’t.

I am constantly feeling ill and stressed, and often hating myself for not being stronger like I used to be.

Your well being is worth more than a house @Moredrama

edited for typo.

@BirthdayRainbow thank you, I know you’re right. I don’t know why I find it so hard, I keep reminding myself of that but then panicking again.

Ok. You get ten more minutes to panic then you remind yourself you are a woman, you are strong and you will take control of you life. Come on @Moredrama you can do this.