My mum only dates much younger men

[honeypotjam]

I've just turned 30 and my mother is late 50's. She will only date men in their 30's, when I say date these are only flings that end up leaving her heartbroken or just brief texting periods then they disappear. This is the only age bracket she will entertain, a man that is interested in their 50's she shows zero interest in and will call them old and creepy. I find it really embarrassing that my mum is only attracted to men the same age as me. It's made me feel like when I meet someone I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing them to my mum incase she's attracted to them. Is it wrong that I feel creeped out by this?

There might be two separate issues here.

If I have a sister my age, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable introducing my boyfriend to them, even though she might find them attractive. Why? Because she's not going to try it on with them or anything so, what's the problem?

But the fact that it makes you nervous, implies to me that you think your mum might try her luck with your man. Why? Because she views you as her competition. Perhaps also in part why she dates younger men.

And that of course, is a bigger issue than her actually dating them. And, very creepy. So would explain why you feeling creeped out.

Any of that possible?

Why is it creepy? If your mum is attractive enough to be able to date a 30ish man, why shouldn't she? Ok, these relationships are unlikely to last but if it's a physical thing for her rather than looking for a long term partner, I don't see the issue. She can date whoever she wants. You're hardly going out in a foursome together.

There are dozens of older men dating younger women without anyone taking exception.

If you think she would hit on your boyfriend, that's a completely different problem.

The thing is her mum isn't attractive enough to date men in their thirties. These man are not dating OP's mother. They are just using her for sex. I am a similar age and look good for my age. There is no way a man in his thirties would be interested in a relationship with me, if I was single, unless it was for my large house and my money. I suppose OP just has to leave her mum to her delusions. I mean most women just work this sort of stuff out very easily so I don't think she can reason with her.

Soooo a woman is getting her heart broken because she's only dating men of an age that would definitely not take her seriously?

I think this is a 'live and learn' thing.

Are they always in their 30's or any in their 40's? Where is she meeting these men? In dating sites?

Fair play to her. Have you seen most men in their 50s?

I don't think it's wrong that you don't like this. Especially if you think your mum is just being used for sex.

Is she getting her heart broken though or is this what she wants?

I'm a similar age. The idea of ending up with a man my own age and having to care for him fuss over him/be tied to him feels me with dread. Some casual flings with attractive men I know won't stick around sounds perfect.

Plus IME all the men in their 50s who are even halfway fit and healthy are chasing women in their 30s and no one thinks that's odd.

To be fair, I'd rather be 50 having fun with younger men, even if it means getting my heart broken. Than 50 and tying myself long term to a man around that age. At 50, what do I need a guy for? Especially an older guy and all the problems that might come with that.

It's fair arguably to say the same of men not needing women but, men don't tend to end up running about looking after women, doing the housework, careing for the step kids etc... plus statistically men are happier in relationships.

I say, provided she's not spending all her money on them or, flirting with your dates, let her crack on.

Yes, that's exactly how I feel. I don't want "a" man, what would that add to my life now? I don't especially want to be completely celebate either.