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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I can't win with this man

41 replies

unknownmember123 · 28/04/2024 19:57

I have been in an on off relationship with a man for 4 years. I am head over heels with him but he ends it with me and then pulls me back in.

Last year he ended it blocked me no explanation just said couldn't do it. Heard nothing for 6 months. I was utterly crushed to pieces.

Around 7 months on I began dating a guy a friend has set me up with. About a month in he came bk begging me to be with me said I was the love of his life and he had made a massive mistake ( this isn't the first time but it was the longest) he would end it with me and a couple of weeks later beg me back.

I resisted and carried on dating this guy for around 4 months. It didn't work out nothing in common. And deep down I still love him.

I ended it and anther couple of month later he was still begging and I finally let my guard down and give in. First few months have been good. But same has happened again. And he admitted he can't get over I got with some one else when he ended- 7 months later.

I'm crushed again please help me I know u all will say I'm stupid.

I am aware of emotional abuse. There's lots of gas lighting and stuff that I'm starting to recognise but it feels like the end of the world walking away. I've never been able to

OP posts:

Xenoi24 · 28/04/2024 22:37

Anyway, I think there's a whole lot going on with him that you're not privy to.

Takenoprisoner · 28/04/2024 22:54

Scarletttulips · 28/04/2024 19:59

You are addicted to him.

You need to go cold turkey.

Fill your time with the things you’ve missed out on.

He will take your future. Your happiness and you sanity.

That’s a high price to pay for a committed equal relationship.

This and what everyone else has said. you need to get the ick with this guy. He is utterly pathetic. magnify his flaws.

You saying you're in love with him is not true. because love doesn't hurt. You need to tell yourself you feel nothing for him, he's pathetic and you have no time for idiots like him.

Absurdgiraffe · 28/04/2024 22:56

The only way to win is not to play.

BellaBaxter · 28/04/2024 22:56

StopGo · 28/04/2024 20:31

Stop being an utter mug.

This is uncalled for and unhelpful. Someone has come here to ask for help.

BellaBaxter · 28/04/2024 22:59

Edenmum2 · 28/04/2024 20:56

I've had this, it went on for years. When I finally left he proposed...I found out later he was seeing someone else at the same time.

It's not worth it, he has become a comfort of sorts and you are used to him but you will find someone else. Stop wasting time.

Same thing happened to me with the proposal! Then he used to follow me around on nights out trying to win me back and then attacked my new boyfriend. What is it about all these men that causes this same pattern?

BMW6 · 29/04/2024 03:20

You've seen or heard how sometimes a cat tortures a mouse or bird without killing it outright?

Why do they do it?

Because they can and enjoy it.

That's all he doing with you. He knows he can so enjoys the torturing. He'll never stop (why would he!?). The only one with the power to stop it is you

BMW6 · 29/04/2024 03:22

BellaBaxter

I've known plenty of women do it too, for the same reason.

urbanbuddha · 29/04/2024 03:36

The first few steps are the hardest. Walk away and keep walking. Don’t look back.

daisychain01 · 29/04/2024 04:00

BellaBaxter · 28/04/2024 22:56

This is uncalled for and unhelpful. Someone has come here to ask for help.

Show quote history

I think they're beyond redemption, if by the age of 52 they haven't learned by now and arent listening to all the wisdom on here.

some people are their own worst enemies, creating their own self-inflicted issues over an utterly abusive arsehole who punches holes in walls with his fist, there is really no hope - the comment was spot on actually.

ApplesOnWards · 29/04/2024 06:40

He doesn't love you, but he wants you to love him.

Block him.

BellaBaxter · 29/04/2024 07:32

@daisychain01

The OP has not stated her age or said that the partner has punched a wall?!

Creamandtan · 29/04/2024 07:41

The audacity of him! You do know why he keeps breaking up with you don’t you? Because he is shagging someone else in between, then has the audacity to say he can’t get over you being with someone else, that’s just another excuse to dump you again because his one of his exs has come back again, he clearly has a few like you who his on and off with.

Leave and don’t go back, or endure months more of this shit.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 29/04/2024 08:38

I have a friend inna similar situation op - l want to shake her cos she can do so much better but she has convinced herself she is happy with the crumbs he throws her every so often

Yourethebeerthief · 29/04/2024 12:10

Trauma bonding. Tell him to fuck off. Then block him. Completely.

Guarantee you in a year you'll think differently about him and be glad you cut him out like a cancer.

Watchkeys · 29/04/2024 12:41

daisychain01 · 29/04/2024 04:00

I think they're beyond redemption, if by the age of 52 they haven't learned by now and arent listening to all the wisdom on here.

Show quote history

Good thing abused people have you to point this out to them so kindly. Obviously it was meant with kindness, right?

Zombiemama84 · 29/04/2024 13:17

I wasted 5yrs with someone like that. Please dont waste any more time. If he really struggled to deal with you seeing someone else he would not have left it 7 months. I can almost guarantee he saw someone else in that time also.

You deserve so much better than this, he will not change he has shown you over and over who he is. You need to take control you need to be the one to block him and not ever take him back. Have some therapy to help you through it, it will take time but you will be so much better off in the long run. You need to break free from him.

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