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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do

6 replies

StrawberryCucumber · 28/04/2024 12:28

I've name changed as feel stupid/embarrassed etc. long story short me and DH have reconciled just before Christmas after a separation of about 6 months. We spilt as although I don't believe he ever physically cheated he had form for sending playful cheery messages to young single female work colleagues and following slutty Instagram pages while being cold, unaffectionate and generally miserable with me. It happened a couple of times even after he promised he would never do it again, I admit I was also cold towards him alot but it's cos I could tell he didn't want me. Anyway fast forward and after the separation and alot of talking, me saying if it ever happens again it will be divorce straight away, he came back to the family home and things we good. Fast forward yet again and he shows no sexual interest in me at all, I felt things were getting too familiar and yes I did the worst and looked at his browsing history (I know I'm a piece of trash for snooping but there was just a voice in the back of my head) anyway it shows him looking at porn sites and those 'meet up with sexy singles' sites. If this was while we were separated then I can let it go but if it's been while he's been back then yet again it's him breaking his promises and I want him gone but the browser history doesn't say when he's looked at these sites, just says 'further history'. I don't know what to do as I know deep down I don't trust that this was just while we weren't together and I feel so horrible for snooping but I feel so shit about myself as it is, if he's been oogling this stuff while claiming to only want to be with me then I don't want anything to do with him.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 28/04/2024 12:48

I think you do know what to do. He's shown he is totally untrustworthy, has broken his promise to you already and has not changed. If you stay together you will never be able to trust him and will always be expecting him to behave like this. Is that really what you want for your future?

StrawberryCucumber · 28/04/2024 12:51

No it isn't, I think I always knew I would end up back here but I feel so worn down by all this, Ive already been put on antidepressants and talking therapy. I feel so stupid for thinking he could actually love me.

OP posts:
StrawberryCucumber · 28/04/2024 12:57

If he hadn't done anything since being back I wouldn't care that he had looked at this stuff while being 'single' it's if he's done it whilst being back but I don't know how to know for sure

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 28/04/2024 13:12

It doesn't matter what he has doing now, I don't think there is any rowing back from the mistrust.

I'm willing to bet your mental health will be a lot better if you just file for divorce and move on. He sounds like a prick.

SharkyMark · 28/04/2024 13:28

It's not a big deal you snooped. It sounds like your relationship is still not good.

anotherdisaster · 28/04/2024 14:22

I'm sorry OP that you gave him the benefit of the doubt and took him back. Its can be such a hard position to find yourself in and it can feel embarrassing to tell everything you split then back together then split again. But, you have tried. He's not goint to change. He's not making any effort here at all and there is zero trust.

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