My abusive ex has a new girlfriend

[beain]

Someone mentioned in passing to me that my ex has a new girlfriend. I don't know why I feel bothered but I do.

He was horrible, emotionally abusive and would break things in the home when he was mad. Everything had to be how he wanted, we would only do things he wanted to do, and if it was a special occasion for me he would ruin it. He had a young son and had to have supervised visits due to accusations from his ex of emotional abuse.

I left him and never looked back. Not a single part of me has ever wanted to get back with him, but I still feel like the thoughts are going round in my head that he will have changed and be different with his new girlfriend....

He won't though will he?

It's unlikely - men like this tend to keep the cycle going rather than have therapy and work on themselves.

I think you have to trust she will see it and leave. It sounds as though you are wondering whether to get involved, which might have the opposite effect of pushing them closer together - adversity tends to make relationships flourish.

I don't know about Claire's Law though, would it be worth reporting him for emotional abuse you suffered so he is on record?

I have had this too, what you are showing is classic feelings of taking the blame onto yourself - believing he would be different with another person - effectively saying you were the issue.

NO NO No, you weren’t- and for a while he may be very nice to his new person but eventually his true self will come out and let’s be kind, let’s think for a minute he learnt his lesson by losing you and he is going to change his ways, he was not ever going to be that man for you !! You are worth more!!

Any man or woman who treats a partner so badly instead of just opting out of being in that relationship is a bully.

either way
not something you should be navel gazing about

the second i found out someone i was dating was only allowed supervised visits with his child… you wouldn’t see me for dust

I'd go to the police and see if you can report him, in case his new gf decides to make a Claire's law application. That would help her.

But he is who he is. He won't change. If he has to have supervised contact with his own child, that shows he's abusive. Do you blame his ex for that? I assume not. So don't blame yourself either.

This!!

@beain I believe people change for themselves rather than a new partner. My ex was similar but alcohol was a huge factor. He then started seeing someone else, they split then he stopped drinking and they are back together. I used to wonder about all this and think how did he change for her but not me. But he did it for himself really. And still there are elements of that shouty side which makes me thankful we aren't together. It's not all roses and light is what I'm saying when you are looking from afar.

Definitely add to the Claires Law if you need to.

When i saw the title, I thought you might be worried for the girlfriend and was going to suggest you consider reporting his abuse so if she ever made a Claire's law request, she'd get the heads up.

It just goes to show the absolute mindfuck abusers perpetrate on people that instead you're ruminating on whether he'll be different with her.