Am I overthinking this, or is this weird?!

[perplexedandbemused]

My half-sister is just under a decade older than me. We've never been particularly close, and she would often go quiet on me for ages then things would pick up again with no explanations as to why. She's a very forceful and powerful woman, in the past when I've questioned the behaviour it hasn't been a pleasant experience so I took to just going with the flow and trying not to overthink it. Over the last 20 years when I was in her neck of the woods I'd pop in and see her or would factor her into my plans if she was free, but would find out from others that she regularly came to my town and didn't reach out.

Over the last 10 years this changed. She really gets on with my OH, and I think that's helped our relationship. She's travelled up to see us, made efforts for the kids birthdays etc. In that time I've told her how much I value being part of her life and how much it made me sad previously when we had little to no relationship.

Prior to the story below I last saw her in 2022. I've text her for various reasons, but in early 2023 she stopped responding to me outside of family chats. I had text her 5 or 6 times (about separate things over a few months) without a response. By mid 2023 she also stopped replying to me in the group chats but would respond to others. I know from others she's been having a tough time, trying not to be demanding or rock the boat.

Last weekend I was in her town and bumped into her and her partner shopping. I needed one item from one shop. She was all surprised to see me, but seemed happy, introduced me to a friend as her 'baby sister'. I spent time with them going in and out of places, but when we reached my shop rather than coming in with me for a moment she said 'Okay then well it's been lovely catching up!' and hugged me goodbye and left.

I'm just really baffled by the whole experience.

We're all meant to be renting a big house together this Christmas (18 of us) and I've not been wanting to go as it's felt so awkward and I've assumed she wasn't speaking to me. But now after that I'm wondering if I've made it awkward in my own brain but in her brain everything is fine and we're just sisters who don't speak often.

Is it just me? I feel like had we not had all those d&m's about lost years etc then maybe it would be more palatable. But it feels weird!!!

I think you exist on the periphery of her life. So when she's got the time and headspace she will engage, but she won't prioritise you if she has other things on or is having a tough time. At times in her life when she has fewer demands, she will engage more. The shopping thing is a prime example. She was happy to see you and to combine your company with what she was doing, but then carried on to whatever she had planned. Nothing wrong with a relationship like that as long as everyone is on the same page, feels its enough and has managed expectations. There's no reason to think you won't get on fine at the family break, but then will fall to a lower level of priority once that's over. Up to you if you want to proceed on that basis.

It was baby sister, not sitter! 😂

Haha did you typo and then edit it, or was it just that I wasn't wearing my glasses?

If the latter, what a wally!

@Intothevalley sorry to tell you I have not edited the post; must have been the glasses! 🤓

Like you OP, I like to know where I stand with people and not good with people blowing hot and cold. For your own sake I’d let her take the lead during the odd times you see her and shrug it off the rest of the time. Happily, it’s not something you have to deal with on a regular basis.

Thanks, this thread has been a bit like therapy! Definitely feeling more at peace with it and have an idea of how to handle any future situations better.