I know before I even post this how ungrateful its going to sound but Mum is driving me up the wall pampering dd.
Im a lone parent. Mum helps me out by letting us hitch a lift with her in the morning as I cant drive. My workplace is on the way to Mum's workplace, as are the school and nursery with a very slight detour. If I had to do these drop offs myself I would probably be out of a job as the bus routes are strange here and it would take me hours, but it takes 10 mins in the car so not really a big deal for Mum. I fully appreciate this.
Mum has taken to collecting dd from her private nursery. Now I never asked her to do this. Getting back from work isn't a problem for me if I leave at my specified time and as the nursery is open until 6pm I can easily collect her myself. They both seemed happy with that arrangement though so I didn't see a problem and it was helpful for me being able to get back and do a little housework before dd came home.
However. Mum started taking dd to her house after nursery as apparently dd had asked for five minutes with them, but five minutes gradually turned into a couple of hours over the course of several months and I had a chat with Mum about it. She seemed ok if a bit sniffy, but made me feel very guilty and said that I would have to be the one to explain to dd why she couldnt go to Nanny's house after "school" anymore because mum "couldn't bear to upset her".
We did this, and it was ok but now the time spent there is longer and longer. Dd comes back hyped up, stuffed full of sweets. She wont go to bed, she wont to anything she's asked to do. She speaks to me like crap. She's always been difficult as mum well knows and lately i've tried to put my foot down with her because im fed up of her behaviour. How can I do this when my mother practically bows to her? "jump nanny!" "how high darling?".
Saturday I was in tears to my friend over the way dd treats me and I decided Sunday was a new day. Sunday dd kicked off over something her brother did (basically, she didn't get her own way) and she beat my arms black and blue when I tried to give her time out in another room. My mum just contributes to this. She feeds her sweet after sweet after sweet. When dd orders her around she thinks its funny and "cute". Anything dd wants dd gets. Mum often tells me im cruel if I dont give in to dd...and in the next breath she is sympathetic? because "I know how difficult she can be".
I dont know what this is for mum, I wont go into it too much but from around the age of 8 I made my own meals (microwave), was left on my own in the flat every night and basically did everything for myself. That woman never spent a moment with me. Im sure its guilt, and she's trying to put right what she did wrong..but how do I explain that this is not helping us?