The bonus friend

[SmileLikeYouReallyMeanIt]

Taken a lot to summon up the courage to post, so please be kind. I would really appreciate honest answers, or if you happen to be in a similar boat, and feel comfortable to share your experiences or suggetions please do.

So I'm a 36 year old mum of 4 school aged children. I currently live in an area that I moved to, rather than grew up in and I have been here for 6 years. I'm struggling to make a life in my current area, find it hard to meet like minded people to form meaningful friendships with. When I do connect to people, I wind up being the "bonus" friend that is called on when the other person's friends of choice are unavailable.
This has taken a toll on me recently after a particular set of challenging personal circumstances. I'm in a long term relationship, that has become painfully routine, made worse by DPs lack of employment. I'm just in a place of really needing to make mutually satisfying friendships that are fun and empowering, not cliquey and full of drama.
Any suggestions on how to connect with other people in my area, whether its through mutal hobbies or just for a friendly chat, would be really appreciated.

Thank you 😊

Is their a ladies circle group near you?
https://www.ladiescircle.co.uk/

Thank you for replying @MayYourToastLandButterSideUp I will check this out.

You could post on NextDoor about starting a women's group to meet up for a coffee to start with and see if friendships develop.

nextdoor.co.uk

How about joining a book club? Particularly an all-women one. You will have a point of interest to share to start with and, if it's anything like the one I am in, not only will you end up having much wider discussions but also individuals meet for coffee, cinema trips etc.

When I do connect to people, I wind up being the "bonus" friend that is called on when the other person's friends of choice are unavailable. This has taken a toll on me recently after a particular set of challenging personal circumstances.

Do you want to say more about this? What makes you think you're the "bonus" friend- not having as long a history with them? Do these people have children? Do you work? Sorry for the interrogation

@MassiveChickenAtTheEveningDo
Just that many people local to me, have established longer term friendships. I also get the feeling of many of the people I have tried to befriend, wanting more of a (minion/follower/fan) rather than a friendship- their expectations seem to be mostly about me showing up in whatever capacity needed, without the need to reciprocate. I'm a mature student (distance learning) and a sahm. Yes most of them have children. I've met some other mums but I have found that just because our children are friends, it doesn't automatically mean the mum of the child is interested in a frienship with you.

@squashyhat @DrJoanAllenby
Thank you both for your suggestions, I will look into them. Getting into an activity might be the way forward.