Sorry for the long post I will be as brief as possible. So, my wife and I have now been married for 11 years and have 2 DD’s. I have no other family in the UK and my wife has a brother who we never see because he couldn’t be bothered and her mum who lives 5 min drive from us. From the day we met I have always felt that my wife’s family have never liked me but was just a feeling which has gotten stronger over the years and was proven right a few years ago when my BIL and I got into an argument because in his words I’m sponging off his sister even though I have always worked full time until recently. MIL is where the problem is, she is incredibly rude to me. E.g. when she comes to visit, she will not greet me even if I greet her, she ignores me until my wife’s says to her that she hasn’t greeted me than its an “oh hello” kind of greeting. She takes every opportunity to leave me out of things e.g. she took my DD’s to get their 1st school shoes when MIL knew I was busy, she also took them for their 1st haircuts without even asking my wife and I. So far, I have kept quiet and just bitten my lip because I know that if I say something she will blow it out of proportion on an epic scale.
In the past 18 month I have developed some serious health issues which have resulted in me not being able to work and being stuck in bed for 90% of the week. Basically, my time is running out. In the last 9 months my MIL has decided to help us out by fixing up my wife’s house which is very kind of her but is also where the problem lies. E.g. she told us we could redo the kitchen which we both thought was super generous of her. We got all the brochures, designs, colours etc that we liked and showed her this is what we like. She flat out said no to every idea that I had. She decided on what type of units we had, the colours and appliances. Her taste and mine are very different and now we have a kitchen that is everything I don’t like. She did the same with our garden except this time she didn’t even ask us if we wanted it done, we came home to find the garden had been completely ripped out. She now wants to do our bathroom.
I really don’t know what to do, on 1 hand she is paying for everything so I feel she should be involved in the decision making but on the other hand its our house, we have to live there so we should choose things that we like. If I say anything than all hell will break loose and I don’t have the strength to deal with it. Any suggestions?