Online dating ick

[SunnyRainbow293]

Back to online dating again to give it annother shot but I've got a big ick when a guy decides to ask to go on a date almost immediately.

For example I've been chatting to a guy for about an hour, 6 messages each from eachother and he suggests a date tomorrow!

I feel like I need atleast a day of chat and lots of questions to decide weather they are worthy of going on a date or not

And now I have this situation where I don't know how to respond to this guy without binning him off altogether. We've not even spoke about what we want from beeing on the dating app, I normally make it very clear I'm in no rush and taking things slow to see how things go and really get to know the person

I hate the profiles that say they're not there to endlessly message , it's meet up or don't bother. Needlessly aggressive and bit odd to imagine you might meet up with everyone you match with. I also hate the ones who match then do the 'so are we dating/married now?' optional winky emoji thing. No, no we are not. Shudder.

Be honest with him and tell him you’d rather chat for a few days first. If he’s genuine he’ll totally understand - if he doesn’t you’ve dodged a bullet very quickly.

Some of the best dates I have been on have been last minute dates with people I have hardly spoken to (though not that good as I’m still single).

If you don’t feel comfortable doing it then just say “maybe we can chat a bit more first?”. Some of the worst dates have been after chatting for weeks and then we finally meet and he’s nothing like I expected 😬.

Datings just pretty ick anyway. I can’t even flick through profiles anymore without getting the ick.

I actually prefer to meet up quickly. I've been burned when I spent weeks messaging people for them to turn out to be smelly and nothing like their pictures in real life. Or one bloke who had social anxiety and never actually wanted to leave the house. Not sure how that would've worked TBH.

Surely a first date is the time to be asking all of these questions? It can just be something quick like a coffee for an hour.

You can certainly ask for it of course, but I'm a big fan of meeting in person quickly. Sexual attraction is no nuanced its really hard to get a sense for it from some words and pictures and a chat screen. The dates I was most excited for were often the most disappointing.

I think there's a happy medium to be found between weeks & months of chatting and 6 messages & "let's meet tomorrow!" 😂

I'm with you, I rather get to know a bit about them before agreeing to a date, it could be a waste of time when you could eliminate them by getting to know a bit about them first.

I experienced a fair bit of this behaviour when people wanted to meet same evening. Most recently when I briefly ventured on OLD I had ten people suggest same evening or next day drinks! I took this to mean they were looking for anyone to fill their time with and likely after casual sex - they didn’t know a single thing about me. Perhaps a few more messages to establish some basic compatibility and/or something to be able to talk about? Otherwise it is a completely blind date and I find them super awkward because you don’t know where to start!

I'd like the spontaneous date rather than long texting! But just for a coffee or a drink, an hour of your time and you'd probably spend more time texting normally.

Send him my way.
I hate chatting online. One or two quick conversations to get a feel for him and then meet. Questions can be asked on the date over a coffee. No need to know much about his life until you know if you even fancy him.

Suggesting the very next day is a little 'ick' tbf though. But maybe he's busy all week after that.

I'd still maybe say no, I can't manage at such sort notice, because it's good to see they can take a 'no'. But I'd suggest another time.

Sometimes it is a warning if they are too eager to meet asap yes. It shows they don't much care for your time, potentially.

In your case I'd just say 'I'd like to talk a little more if you don't mind? Then maybe if it seems like we click, we could grab coffee next Saturday?'.

Suggesting another potential date for the date, shows you aren't just there to chat.

I’d rather meet after a brief conversation. You can tell a lot from a few messages - enough to know if they’re worth a coffee date.
On the other hand, you can chat for weeks, really get to like someone then finally meet and there no chemistry or they’re nothing like you imagined.