Anyone ever stayed together for financial reasons?

[NotGotAClue1]

If we didn’t have a child together, I would probably leave my partner. But we do. If I leave him, me and our son will have to move in with my parents. I will never be able to buy a home on my own and I will not be able to give our son as good of a life as he would have if we stayed together. So my question, should we?

We are not miserable as a couple but we do argue and he can get quite nasty (verbally). we do have good times. I don’t feel that he’s my soulmate but is it best for our son?

I’ve just posted my situation and I’m feeling very torn about staying or leaving too. I completely get it. My mum died aged 48 and all I can think is, if that’s my life expectancy, I can’t spend it this miserable or with so many doubts.

I know lots of people who stay together for financial reasons however nasty is never good.

Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to hear about your mum. It is so hard to know what to do isn’t it.

I wouldn’t do it (and didn’t- I’m a single mum). My parents stayed together although they were unhappy. It was awful for us kids

I would have done and even suggested it we had two houses close to each other and I suggested he had the bigger one and that we swapped every week etc he said no and crazy thing is we both were single for 10 years and court cost us about £100 K

We are not miserable as a couple but we do argue and he can get quite nasty.
You are teaching your child that it is acceptable to either behave in a nasty way, or that they have to accept that behaviour from others. Money is not everything in life but having good clear boundaries and knowing how to behave with kindness, respect and to give loving support is.

Stop thinking about material things, they really aren't worth it in the end, they always fall apart or rust/go rotten.

How old is your children? Do you need to put up with this for five years or another 15? Staying or leaving will both potentially harm your child.

That is like telling your child that money is more important than their happiness and right to live in a calm and non conflict home.

Our son is 2.

I would not split up if my dc was aged 2. I honestly think these are the worst years, when your baby is tiny. Things might improve - certainly we have become happier as our kids got past the early years.

You need to think about YOUR minimum needs. Are you still having sex, is it good enough sex? Do you want more kids? Do you want more kids with him? When things are going well can you see how life might be if it were like that all the time? When you argue and he is nasty , what kind of nasty are we talking about? When you have argued is it possible to communicate with him sensible to resolve the argument when you both cool down? Does he tell you he loves you, does he appreciate yu, is he a hands-on dad? Do you like his family? Is he controlling you?

And so on.

You need to weigh up all the factors that are important to you.

My parents did. It wasn't an abusive relationship between them but the tension, the lack of emotionally intimacy and the constant atmosphere have caused significant problems in later life for me and my siblings. All of us have had significant therapy and mental health issues as a result of the environment we grew up in. So no, I wouldn't say it's best for the child.

´I would not split up if my dc was aged 2. I honestly think these are the worst years, when your baby is tiny. Things might improve - certainly we have become happier as our kids got past the early years.

You need to think about YOUR minimum needs. Are you still having sex, is it good enough sex? Do you want more kids? Do you want more kids with him? When things are going well can you see how life might be if it were like that all the time? When you argue and he is nasty , what kind of nasty are we talking about? When you have argued is it possible to communicate with him sensible to resolve the argument when you both cool down? Does he tell you he loves you, does he appreciate yu, is he a hands-on dad? Do you like his family? Is he controlling you?

And so on.

You need to weigh up all the factors that are important to you.´

That's a joke!!! You can leave when your kids are any age even a day old!!!He's obviously verbally abusive that's emotional abuse to both you and DC. My ex is the same I left. I just wish I left him earlier. My youngest is 2. It's hard financially at first yes but it gets better and it's much better than living with an idiot I cant stand .

My parents stayed together for all the wrong reasons, it's miserable. I'm divorced from my children's Dad and modelling (hopefully) a positive relationship for my children. I'm single, their Dad has remarried. We are both happier and so are the children.

If it's bearable and not damaging to your child I would make the best of it and get a career started up running ready for when my child went to school so I could earn a good wage and provide a home for us. Could you start planning your financial security and play the long game for a few more years. That's what I would do and I would also double up on contraception

Many, many, many couples have had to stick it out for financial reasons - and in the end lots of them will be glad they did.

The ‘cost of leaving crisis’ is particularly bad at the moment cos there is no property to move to.

Well I certainly wouldn't bring my kids up in poverty just because I wasn't with my soul mate.

So it'd depend on what their standard of living would be if we broke up.

For me to break up with someone while I had a 2 year old, I'd have to be desperately unhappy.

Or teaching them that money is better than homelessness.

@NotGotAClue1 if your child is only 2 then you have many years ahead of you. Could you cope being in that relationship for the next 16 years or so? What effect would that have on your MH?
You are effectively saying that you are considering sacrificing yourself for your child, which is admirable but not logical. It is not logical to assume that, if you stay, your child will have a much better life. There is no guarantee that your child will be better of financially, for instance, if you stay. Your partner could suffer major financial losses or he could go on to become a millionaire - you simply do not know what might happen in the future with that. But there is one thing you do know - you know yourself. You know that you will love and care for your child, you will be happier doing so without the stress of your partner. How do you know, for instance, that you will not be able to provide for your child just as well financially as you would be if you stay?! There's every chance you and your child will have a happier life if you leave.
What do your parents say about your situation, bearing in mind you would be living with them if you leave?

Hmm