Life after Abusive Relationship

[Mollymolloy]

Hi all,

I was with my abusive ex-husband for 24 years. For the last 10 years, he belittled me and was embarrassed to be seen with me.

I divorced him 8 years ago. I have been single for a few years now. On reflection, I have tended to go out with blokes whose opinions I didn’t really respect. In a way, if they said anything negative about me, it didn’t bother me. Strangely, none of the relationships lasted 🤣! I think that if I went out with someone who I genuinely respected and cared about, I would feel too vulnerable and would probably sabotage it. I am happy in my own skin and accepting of myself but, have a very large wall up. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life single, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Has anyone else been through this and how do you go about moving on?

Have you done any therapy?

I can see the sort of self-protective thing of "if they said anything negative about me, it didn’t bother me" in picking blokes whose opinions didn't matter to you, but it'd probably be better to be picking blokes you did respect who don't neg you, or the moment they do they get the boot.

I think it's quite a good healthy position to be starting from, that if you do stay single, it's OK.

There's always risk in letting someone in.