How do u cope with pil that resent you

[bigboydiditandranaway]

Since dh & i became more seroius about each other and got married pil have resented me.

They are difficult people which dh agrees with so really shouldn't expect anything less from them.

Every time we see them generally mil at the moment, but fil too makes his /her disapproval of something i have said/done known. I try to ignore them but by the time we are due to see them again it starts to wind me up again and upset me. Dh thinks i should continue to ignore them but it makes me feel so uncomfortable when i see them, i worry sometimes that it is driving dh & me apart, as i feel resentment towards him for not putting him/her straight.

pls help, need tips on coping.

Can you give us an example of what your PIL would do or say?

i think you need to adopt a short term memory and thick skin just accept that whatever you do they dont like it so be graceful smile and accept their rudeness and when you leave them let it go ......by allowing them to affect you they are having a negative effect on your life ......just take the visit as a 2 hour chunk out of a 24 hour day and let it go .......or show em your ass or spit in their tea....leave mice droppings in the bread tin..........

I think that with problems with PIL, it is the child of the offending people that needs to deal with the issues.

Your DH needs to stand up for you if your PILs are upsetting you, undermining you or being unfoundedly disapproving.

Your DH needs to make it patently obvious that you are his wife, his number one priority, and he will defend you against anyone who is being unkind to you.

It's a rite of passage, really.

He has to show them that he is a married adult, and they need to respect you as his wife.

Don't let this drive a wedge between your DH and yourself, but don't ignore the issues and become resentful.

He needs to speak up for you, at the time, as soon as anything else happens.

I got to the point where I just stopped visiting, about 3 years before she died. My exH would still take the children regularly, MIL only lived 5 mins away, I would never have stopped her seeing the kids but after she had said quite a few nasty things
(always behind exH back) I refused to go anymore. If it was a family occasion, i would just say hello politely and stay away from where she was

I just stopped any contact at all with my MIL, DH stood up for me but she just made him feel guilty all the time, I refused to have anything to do with her and as she denied our children that wasn't a problem either

There is only so long you can keep trying and making the effort until you are to worn down to take anymore

Well I've not really had the best relationship with my ILs to say the least

In the past I have told FIL to Fuck off, wrote ILs an email telling them all the nasty things they've said, dh has defended me, and so on...

TBH they still disapprove of lots of things but interestingly when BIL & dw do the opposite of us they also seem to disapprove of that too.

I've started to just smile and ignore when they say anything about how we do things...just keep telling yourself "don't get mad, they can't help that they are fucking mental and ignorant", then show off when you're right

It's working a treat so far...

thanks for your messages, paricularly betty, i think yours is the best approach