Hubby

[justgettingthroughlife]

Been married 28 years now and hubby's behaviour this last few years is getting intolerable . He can be absolutely fine and then bang he starts being vile to me and DD . For eg last night he told DD he didn't care what her BF thought of him as all he cares about is number 1 ( himself ) this was after he spoke to DD badly and BF heard the convo .
I've asked him why he does it and he says he doesn't know so he knows he's doing it but can't explain why .
It seems to always happen at weekends too and I spend the whole time then on my own miserable lonely upset .
Why is he like this ? What comes over him ? Does he have MH issues that he can't control .
I'm not sure I can go on like this I'm starting to hate him for being so vile . Why can't he just be decent and speak to people in a civil manner

Like this weekend now will be utterly ruined because we are not speaking again . As you say it's like he does it on purpose !!
Yet he claims to love me care for me do anything for me and DD but this something comes over him which he can't control .
I've never considered leaving him so much as I currently do as he brings me no fun anymore no laughter just upset and tears . Luckily my DD doesn't give a F about his behaviour it just goes over her head and just expects it . This makes me glad she's not bothered in 1 way but very sad that she's not arsed

It's not like he does. He does.

You won't change him so what will you change for yourself ?

Funnily enough, as soon as you say you are leaving or he meets someone who won't stand for it, he will change.

Don't kid yourself your DD doesn't give a fuck about his behaviour. She does.

He can control it because he does not behave like this around other people. He has a problem, with anger, your anger, when you call him out on such behaviour.

This abusive treatment from him is directed to your daughter and you.

Yes it's sad that she's so done with his bullshit that it washes over her. Because it probably means there was so much pain on the journey to that point.

He can control it though. Don't tell yourself otherwise. He wants to kick off and knacker everyone. I guess you could argue its compulsive...but it comes from being a nasty man who can't stand other people finding peace or joy. Who needs you beaten down. Like the bully in the playground who picks on the little kid. To show he's the big man. Perhaps even because he gets a sick enjoyment from it.

Who cares why really! The fact is, he's only going to get worse. He's a millstone. A jailer. A leach on your happiness and wellbeing. Why he us this way doesn't really matter. You only get one life. Your child is grown too. No need to waste any more time on this nasty man.

As it tends to happen at the weekend, do you think he might be drinking secretly?

Perhaps when he behaves normally for a few weeks after you’ve had words with him it’s because he’s stopped drinking and then starts again

Definitely no drinking going on he's teetotal

My DH was awful to me when our youngest was preparing for their wedding. Youngest and partner sorted it all out themselves. DH became obnoxious the week before and was still being obnoxious the morning of the wedding. A slight mishap needed sorting and youngest asked DH if he was able to sort. DH sorted it out and was happy as Larry from then on! It was only then that the penny dropped for me. Made sure he was included for the next nuptials.

Is your DH feeling his "little" girl doesn't need him anymore?

Is it possible he's a midweek/Friday night drug user.

His behaviour is screaming coke head on a comedown to me.

@justgettingthroughlife if you stay his behaviour won’t change. You’ll end up alone in a house with a man who makes you walk on eggshells due to his moods for another 20 or so years.

Your daughter might not mind now - but do you think her and her partner will want you and DH coming to visit or stay with them? Spend Christmas with someone that can be so rude? Do you think when or if they have children that Grandad will be welcomed or they’ll visit due to his moods?

His behaviour will begin to restrict your family life further and further.

Build a life for yourself and leave. Make a home where weekends are happy and filled with good memories rather than times that must be spent on tenterhooks dreading his moods.